Love isn't what you do when things are easy. In fact, love kicks in when things are hard. It's very easy to say the words "I love you" to someone else but exceptionally difficult to stand by those words if you shy away from things the moment times get difficult. Sure I have my flaws and fall short of expectations from time to time, but I can look in the mirror and say to myself that I truly love my boys because I am steadfast in the face of adversity.

Those of you who know me understand that I am wrestling with a distance relationship that makes things exceptionally difficult at times. The loneliness and depression that kicks in when you are away from the true love of your life is immense and something I have never had to face in my (too many for my liking) years. l consider myself blessed that I was finally able to find true love and experience unconditional love in return. I am thankful for their patience, understanding and caring for me when I do break down.

This evening I am finding things exceptionally difficult to handle as I recently had to say goodbye to Arinmal after spending a week with me down in Boston. Broke my damn heart to send him away on the plane back to Canada. Only bright spot was that I knew he had Dobie to head home to and that the pup would be happy again to see him. I can honestly say that I learned a lot during his trip down here both about myself and the depth of our relationship. I can in full truth say that I am the happiest wolf in the world when I am with my boys. That being said, the converse also applies...when I am away from them (especially this time) I am the most unhappiest being in the world. Hence this journal...an attempt to make heads and tails out of the chaotic sea of emotions raging around inside of me.

I have had some serious conversations with my boys over the past few weeks about life stuff and have proven that love is not something that only exists when things are hunky dory. I truly believe that love is really truly proven when things are difficult and you have to look yourself in the mirror and persevere against whatever life is throwing at you at the time. As a result, some difficult conversations have been had and decisions have been made as a result. None of this could have happened without a deep and love that is true. If we truly did not love each other these conversations would have broken down irrevocably from the beginning rather than coming to the conclusions that they did.

One silver lining in all this is that this recent trip has jump started the process of exploring options of our little pack becoming united permanently. I have a meeting this week with the big boss man to see if I can get transferred permanently to Canada and allow our little pack to live as we should. Please cross your claws for me as I truly believe that every little bit helps.

I love you Arinmal and Dobie with all that I am. One day we will be together in the way that we are meant to...because I love you both I truly believe that we can make this a reality.

*kisses*

Your Wolfie