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sometimes i wonder
14 years ago
I've never used this; then again i had hoped never to have to. I don't like to vent, or ask for answers, I don't like to display and divulge things about my life. I have always been someone who preferred to sit on the sidelines and watch the world progress. Though this simple act you can learn a lot. In all things observation has served me greatest in life.
I have known love, longing, loss, guilt, and pain. I don't feel it is important to really go into what order those things have come to pass in my life. Many people have said I am outspoken, brash, and mean, but i like to think the world has enough of a sugar coating that I don't need to pile on more to obscure ones vision.
I'd like to believe I an simple, though in no way would that mean I claim to be normal. In fact i dare say I hate the word, for the meaning of it is just what anyone wants it to be. Still i try to walk upon the good red road, which the saying might have many of you scratching you heads in puzzlement. But it is something I have learned from my husband.
The paths of life make many turns, and like a worn trail traveled mostly in solitude parts may prove to be rougher then others. You may find over time the rivers have worn their way across and the forest might have decided to take back what was once stolen. When this happens your trek must halt in order for the way to be cleared and the path to be made traversable once more.
Take nothing for granted.
Ask for nothing that has not been first earned.
Look for the good that is in everyone.
Give what you can afford to give.
Make the most of the gifts you are given and share these gifts with others.
I have in more ways then I am willing to list followed this path, I have always offered an ear, or shoulder when it is needed. I have always forced myself to do without so that others need not. In a world where most do not follow the same path as I it can be difficult to see the next step to take and even more difficult to see if the next step will in some way prove to be my last.
Now lets take a step back if anyone is in fact reading this I am not suicidal. When I speak of the next step it only means I feel like I’m close to falling off the path I’ve wished to not stray from. The path has become horribly entangled with debris and its time for me to stop, take stock, and clear the way.
And in closing I would like to say, I can give only so much, and not more then I have.
Washichu – a term given to those who take, take more then they need, take more then can ever be given, and most importantly take what was not offered and despite it all they still want more. It saddens me to know the world I live in is filled with this breed of people, and those who follow the path I have chosen for myself are much like the buffalo and mustang…. Simply being forced to fade into oblivion.
Ina Igmutanka Kici O-opala
I have known love, longing, loss, guilt, and pain. I don't feel it is important to really go into what order those things have come to pass in my life. Many people have said I am outspoken, brash, and mean, but i like to think the world has enough of a sugar coating that I don't need to pile on more to obscure ones vision.
I'd like to believe I an simple, though in no way would that mean I claim to be normal. In fact i dare say I hate the word, for the meaning of it is just what anyone wants it to be. Still i try to walk upon the good red road, which the saying might have many of you scratching you heads in puzzlement. But it is something I have learned from my husband.
The paths of life make many turns, and like a worn trail traveled mostly in solitude parts may prove to be rougher then others. You may find over time the rivers have worn their way across and the forest might have decided to take back what was once stolen. When this happens your trek must halt in order for the way to be cleared and the path to be made traversable once more.
Take nothing for granted.
Ask for nothing that has not been first earned.
Look for the good that is in everyone.
Give what you can afford to give.
Make the most of the gifts you are given and share these gifts with others.
I have in more ways then I am willing to list followed this path, I have always offered an ear, or shoulder when it is needed. I have always forced myself to do without so that others need not. In a world where most do not follow the same path as I it can be difficult to see the next step to take and even more difficult to see if the next step will in some way prove to be my last.
Now lets take a step back if anyone is in fact reading this I am not suicidal. When I speak of the next step it only means I feel like I’m close to falling off the path I’ve wished to not stray from. The path has become horribly entangled with debris and its time for me to stop, take stock, and clear the way.
And in closing I would like to say, I can give only so much, and not more then I have.
Washichu – a term given to those who take, take more then they need, take more then can ever be given, and most importantly take what was not offered and despite it all they still want more. It saddens me to know the world I live in is filled with this breed of people, and those who follow the path I have chosen for myself are much like the buffalo and mustang…. Simply being forced to fade into oblivion.
Ina Igmutanka Kici O-opala
*fuzzyhugs*
Because you were nice enough to reply to a troubled stranger’s journal I feel like sharing a bit of the meaning behind some of the things I had said. First the ‘good red road’ is the path my husband has shown me, my husband is half-Lakota Sioux of the Oglala nation. Ina Igmutanka Kici O-opala is the Lakota name given to me by my husband; it is a honor to be given this name. Both I and my husband try to stick to the beliefs of his people. Which is why we share everything and more then we have within reason with those less fortunate.
Sometime our willingness to give can however cause those who take also referred to as Washichu “the taker of fat” the sense that we can give more and though we say we can not they still take from us anyways. This act from a single person is what nearly drove me off my path, but things have been set right, the crisis deferred and I and my mate's lives are rebalanced.
As I have taken more of your time then I intended Burtan I hope you find my words a comfort in some way.
*Sincere Embrace*