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Thoughts of a Lonely Fox
14 years ago
Love. Hate. Loneliness. Frustration. Suicide. Anger. Sadness. Fear.
All of these thoughts smashed together into a swirling storm inside my head. Thoughts and emotions that have been welled up inside of me for a very long time.
Love. The love for my friends. The only ones I can be open with and can truly be myself around.
Hate. The hate that has been building inside of me for the past five years. The hate I have begun to harbour against my parents for the numerous injustices they, mostly she, do unto me on a daily basis. The hate for myself for not doing something about it.
Loneliness. The feeling that has haunted me for quite a long time now. The feeling that sweeps across my mind whenever I am reminded that I am alone - whenever I am reminded that I have no companion to hug and console me when I am feeling down. Whenever I am reminded that I have no special someone to hug and to love.
Frustration. The feeling that launches itself to the surface every day of my life. The feeling that lingers after every sour encounter, every small irritation, every single time something goes wrong.
Suicide. The thought of killing myself. This darkness has loomed over my head for the past four years. Often, it creeps into my mind, prompting me to consider the disgusting, irreversible process of taking my own life. Even now, this thought lurks in the corner of my conscious thoughts, causing emotional turmoil inside my head. However, I am forced to remind myself of the repercussions that would follow. I would do nothing but spread sorrow and sadness amongst my friends, and kill whatever measly potential I might have.
Anger. The emotion that consumes me whenever my parents make a snide remark, make a ridiculous demand of me that stems from their laziness, and betray a promise they swore to keep. The emotion that dominates most of my thoughts while I am in my home. The emotion that has torn apart my parental relationship even more.
Sadness. The emotion that has taken control over the majority of my thoughts. The sadness that I am alone, not deemed worthy of being a romantic companion to anyone.
Fear. The fear of failure. The fear of being romantically "out" for the rest of my life. The fear of what I have done and could have done better, and the effects of these decisions. The fear of my whole world crashing down on me at the drop of a pin.
These are the thoughts that swirl around in my mind each and every day.
And now, I have nothing more to say.
All of these thoughts smashed together into a swirling storm inside my head. Thoughts and emotions that have been welled up inside of me for a very long time.
Love. The love for my friends. The only ones I can be open with and can truly be myself around.
Hate. The hate that has been building inside of me for the past five years. The hate I have begun to harbour against my parents for the numerous injustices they, mostly she, do unto me on a daily basis. The hate for myself for not doing something about it.
Loneliness. The feeling that has haunted me for quite a long time now. The feeling that sweeps across my mind whenever I am reminded that I am alone - whenever I am reminded that I have no companion to hug and console me when I am feeling down. Whenever I am reminded that I have no special someone to hug and to love.
Frustration. The feeling that launches itself to the surface every day of my life. The feeling that lingers after every sour encounter, every small irritation, every single time something goes wrong.
Suicide. The thought of killing myself. This darkness has loomed over my head for the past four years. Often, it creeps into my mind, prompting me to consider the disgusting, irreversible process of taking my own life. Even now, this thought lurks in the corner of my conscious thoughts, causing emotional turmoil inside my head. However, I am forced to remind myself of the repercussions that would follow. I would do nothing but spread sorrow and sadness amongst my friends, and kill whatever measly potential I might have.
Anger. The emotion that consumes me whenever my parents make a snide remark, make a ridiculous demand of me that stems from their laziness, and betray a promise they swore to keep. The emotion that dominates most of my thoughts while I am in my home. The emotion that has torn apart my parental relationship even more.
Sadness. The emotion that has taken control over the majority of my thoughts. The sadness that I am alone, not deemed worthy of being a romantic companion to anyone.
Fear. The fear of failure. The fear of being romantically "out" for the rest of my life. The fear of what I have done and could have done better, and the effects of these decisions. The fear of my whole world crashing down on me at the drop of a pin.
These are the thoughts that swirl around in my mind each and every day.
And now, I have nothing more to say.
