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Reboot Procedures for My New Phone
14 years ago
I'm here to tell you about the three things in life that matter most.
Fast Trucks, Fast Food, and Fast WomenStand on one leg, hop around in a circle with your right hand on your nose, left hand grabbing right wrist, and cough three times. Then attempt to lay on your back on a stable yet level surface, both arms suspended in the air, making a large clapping motion, without bending elbows, for a minimum of 15 seconds.
Next, one must recite the phrase, "Wouldn't y'all like a cup of premium petroleum based cheerios." with a Texan accent (Australian accent will suffice).
Then, one must place ¥559 or 50 Vietnamese dong and an American quarter from 1977 or 1989 into the pocket of the nearest person named Meg. An Andy will do just fine.
Lastly, one must place an artificially colored wig next to the device and ask it politely to "Account for all those lost in the battle, Miss Jane."
Your device should read "Almighty User has aquired ultimate control of the 'White' building." If not, re-attempt to do step one until ultimate control has been aquired by the nearest pedestrian. You will know when you get the smell of napalm in the air. The smell of... Victory.
Next, one must recite the phrase, "Wouldn't y'all like a cup of premium petroleum based cheerios." with a Texan accent (Australian accent will suffice).
Then, one must place ¥559 or 50 Vietnamese dong and an American quarter from 1977 or 1989 into the pocket of the nearest person named Meg. An Andy will do just fine.
Lastly, one must place an artificially colored wig next to the device and ask it politely to "Account for all those lost in the battle, Miss Jane."
Your device should read "Almighty User has aquired ultimate control of the 'White' building." If not, re-attempt to do step one until ultimate control has been aquired by the nearest pedestrian. You will know when you get the smell of napalm in the air. The smell of... Victory.
