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Theres still a part of me that can't let go of the memories
14 years ago
General
~ ❤️ ~
Love, is what the trouble is.
I'm glad June is over, it was such a confusing and stressful month for me.
Last month, on the 6th, would have been Xaria's and my 1 1/2 year mark. And on the same token it was the first month, on the 12th, that Chi (Lyndsay) and I had been together.
The thing is, I never stop loving anyone if I truly felt deeply for them. As it stands, I've had two great loves in my life, and Xaria was one of them. I'm not sure how many know, but I had plans to propose to her, and I had never wanted that with anyone before. Nearly on the eve of when I wanted to is when we broke up... I have never felt so hurt in my entire life. All I feel is some sort of void that can never be filled, and I know I'm going to deal with this scar for a very long time.
Now I find myself struggling to cope with the idea that my devotion may have been misplaced, yet I can't seem to convince myself of that. All I ever wanted was to grow old with her, and nothing she could do, or anything anyone ever said was able to sway me from that. Our personalities complimented one another's so well, and we always seemed to find a way to have a good time together. I know I'm always going to miss that. I just wish she could have accepted me, for all my good and my faults, as I did her.
All I want now is to be her friend, I just want her to be part of my life in some way and I hers. We had a lot of adventures and I'll always treasure these memories; I don't want to forget, about our past or about her.
I have a new squeeze now-a-days, and she is amazing herself. Chi has been an wonderful friend to me for a long time now, being supportive of me when I was having issues, and I would always try to be there for her in the same. We both came out of pretty bad breakups, and things kind of just clicked. She treats me great, and seems to accept me for me, all the while putting up with my antics. It was a natural progression, and I have high hopes for a future together with her. We have been talking alot about it in fact, and it makes me feel great knowing she wants more.
Thats the problem though, because even if my love life moves on I am not the kind of person who 'gets over' people. I love deeply, and thats not something that ever goes away. My past, my future... Always in conflict with one another.
Xaria will always be the girl I regret. Not because I wish it didn't happen, but because there will always be a part of me that wishes it did.
Love... thats what the trouble is.
I'm glad June is over, it was such a confusing and stressful month for me.
Last month, on the 6th, would have been Xaria's and my 1 1/2 year mark. And on the same token it was the first month, on the 12th, that Chi (Lyndsay) and I had been together.
The thing is, I never stop loving anyone if I truly felt deeply for them. As it stands, I've had two great loves in my life, and Xaria was one of them. I'm not sure how many know, but I had plans to propose to her, and I had never wanted that with anyone before. Nearly on the eve of when I wanted to is when we broke up... I have never felt so hurt in my entire life. All I feel is some sort of void that can never be filled, and I know I'm going to deal with this scar for a very long time.
Now I find myself struggling to cope with the idea that my devotion may have been misplaced, yet I can't seem to convince myself of that. All I ever wanted was to grow old with her, and nothing she could do, or anything anyone ever said was able to sway me from that. Our personalities complimented one another's so well, and we always seemed to find a way to have a good time together. I know I'm always going to miss that. I just wish she could have accepted me, for all my good and my faults, as I did her.
All I want now is to be her friend, I just want her to be part of my life in some way and I hers. We had a lot of adventures and I'll always treasure these memories; I don't want to forget, about our past or about her.
I have a new squeeze now-a-days, and she is amazing herself. Chi has been an wonderful friend to me for a long time now, being supportive of me when I was having issues, and I would always try to be there for her in the same. We both came out of pretty bad breakups, and things kind of just clicked. She treats me great, and seems to accept me for me, all the while putting up with my antics. It was a natural progression, and I have high hopes for a future together with her. We have been talking alot about it in fact, and it makes me feel great knowing she wants more.
Thats the problem though, because even if my love life moves on I am not the kind of person who 'gets over' people. I love deeply, and thats not something that ever goes away. My past, my future... Always in conflict with one another.
Xaria will always be the girl I regret. Not because I wish it didn't happen, but because there will always be a part of me that wishes it did.
Love... thats what the trouble is.
SIGH, I feel you, bro. I feel you.
What a smart platypus.
If anything I'm still here to talk to you if there is no other you can talk to.