FA+
Shop
Some Self-Reflecting
14 years ago
I don't know how many people really follow my journals, but I've been thinking and wandering for a few years on and off this site as I contemplate things. I'm already 21 and yet I feel like I haven't gone anywhere since I was 17. I want to know though, what kind of person do you all see me as, given the little I may or may not have divulged?
I ask this because I feel like I don't really know who I am. I feel like I'm trying to be someone I'm not and it's a little disconcerting to feel like I'm pretending. Kind of silly even, I know. And I believe the older and more mature people watching me can chuckle to the side with this same sagely understanding. It really is kind of silly...
I guess my point being, I want to find for myself who I am. I don't think I've gotten to know myself for the better half of my life as I drift on through my school life and social anxiety attacks. What do you guys think of me? And if you don't know me really, then I could perhaps know you guys better? Sometimes a way to know yourself is to know the people who like you for who you are.
I don't know really. .///. I feel incredibly foolish for asking and worry I won't get anything more than a comment or two. Even just a hello would be nice.
I ask this because I feel like I don't really know who I am. I feel like I'm trying to be someone I'm not and it's a little disconcerting to feel like I'm pretending. Kind of silly even, I know. And I believe the older and more mature people watching me can chuckle to the side with this same sagely understanding. It really is kind of silly...
I guess my point being, I want to find for myself who I am. I don't think I've gotten to know myself for the better half of my life as I drift on through my school life and social anxiety attacks. What do you guys think of me? And if you don't know me really, then I could perhaps know you guys better? Sometimes a way to know yourself is to know the people who like you for who you are.
I don't know really. .///. I feel incredibly foolish for asking and worry I won't get anything more than a comment or two. Even just a hello would be nice.
Though, frankly, as long as you do whatever makes you feel best, you probably can somehow figure out your identity. And if you don't know what makes you feel best, then you should try candy, it makes me feel best. Well, not just any candy, but certain types of candy. Though I also like pizza... and potato chips... and... well, you get the point. Identity isn't even exactly something to be found, identity just sort of exists.
Three years or so ago when I met you here, your friendship came to me at a pivotal time in my life... a time when I needed that sort of thing the most.
So to me, I will always think of you as a special friend, one that I also happen to find very attractive.
/Don't get so down on yourself about feeling silly about not knowing whom you are. Most of us search our entire lives for this very answer, then even worse, secure what we think it is and then find out that we were wrong... having to restart the search again.
I was glad to have someone like you following my work and wanting to be my friend early on when I first appeared on FA. You've done me favors in the past too and I'm always grateful for them, but the most important thing is that you've been around in moments like this to remind me of things I thought were forgotten by others.
I know we don't talk much enough, and that ultimately boils down to my fault really since I hardly give myself much room to be myself. But thank you so much for being my friend since the beginning. ^^
So when we're both going through turbulent times, we tend to hide ourselves away.
I may just be a watcher, but sorry to hear you having trouble figuring out life and such. Don't worry too much, it is quite hard :P . I just hope at the very least, you can have a good time with the friends you've already made, and feel confident enough to make more friends if you ever feel like it.
As always, it's up to you when it comes to how much of yourself you want to show to others, never force yourself into showing any part of yourself that you aren't comfortable with, but again, those friends you have would be understanding with whatever you decide.
That's probably made NO sense whatsoever, and/or I'm on the completely wrong subject but hey, at least I said hello :D
Ohgodhowdoesbeingsocialwooork
The problem I face is something at the core myself and the world I live in as far as this conflict goes. My family, friends, and enemies alike all think within a meritocratic mindset and have these preconceived expectations of a person that behave in a very binary sense. If I'm not one thing in their mind, I'm automatically another thing they don't accept and can't climb any tier of respect.
That probably sounded vague and yet complicated.