~n~ I feel so depressed like to the point where I just want to curl up and cry. Like ugh I'm so tired of making these journals, that have nothing to do with art but ugh I just don't know where else to go where my family won't see my petty bull shit.. I just don't know I feel so worthless, like I can't go about anything right, honestly that's why there's been so little art from me, that and illness.. I just feel so disgusted with myself, and I just don't know why I should get out of bed. I've had my doctor up my depression medication but I've been bad about taking it due to all the other medication I'm on... but ugh.. I just... even with it sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be here. That I don't have a reason for being here.. I just hate this feeling. And I hate how I make my mate feel sometimes.. I don't mean to... I'm just a big pot of fucked up genetics and fuck knows what else... ughh..

/rant