Well, I'm not so good at this finding doctors thing, as you might know. I just got back from that appointment. Dr. Simcik is really more of a family counselor -- marriage counseling is the major thing, along with anxiety, depression, problems that can sometimes be dealt with with just therapy. So the bad news is, he can't prescribe medication. The good news is, he diagnosed me with ADD and acknowledged that therapy wasn't going to work -- and gave me a referral to psychiatrist I am making an appointment with ASAP. He said that if you go to a psychiatrist first, they have to vet you and tend to be a little less trusting because you might just be someone looking for stimulants, but since I saw a family counselor and got the referral from him, he says it will be a bigger sign that I actually do need help. Which turns out in my favor that I went to the wrong person first. :)

He also actually explained how ADD medications work in a way that finally made me understand it, which was a pleasant surprise. He likened it to the process of using a high-speed camera to take slow-motion shots; more frames per second means a clearer, slower picture, and vice-versa. Wow! It all actually makes a lot more sense now.

And on the plus side, I actually do think Dr. Simcik will be someone I go to see regularly! He's basically like a guidance counselor for grown-ups. I missed having that kind of figure in my life, you know? A person who isn't your parents that you can just go to when things are a little questionable or rough and let them help you through it. So I'm glad I found him, anyway. $25 to sit for an hour and be helped with things like my social anxiety and self-confidence is a pretty fair deal, I'd say. Sure, there are catchphrases, acronyms, and gimmicks, but sometimes that cheesy sort of practiced rhetoric is surprisingly more helpful than you think it will be.

He gave me a CD labeled "positive self-talk" (giggle) and recommended a book to Cory called "Living With ADD When You're Not the One Who Has It: A Workbook For Partners". Surprise, someone actually wrote a book about this! So I think I'll be coming back to see him. He's a genuinely sweet, caring man and talking to him made me feel a lot better. Maybe it's just psychosomatic, but if it works, it works.

I know he'll be able to help me with my fear of driving and the anxieties I get over dealing with peers and strangers, so that's going to be the main thing I really want to see him for. I don't want meds for those things... I think I just need a knowledgeable person to help me work through it. He gave me some printouts about panic attacks and anxiety and the CD, of course... so it looks like I have a road ahead of me, but it's a lot better than feeling lost.

He also did talk to me about my use of alcohol as an occasional escape from anxiety related to social interaction. I've used it as a crutch when I didn't feel I could open up to people enough to lightly converse without it. I explained that I don't go overboard at all when I'm out with friends, but that I can get a little sidetracked at home and go overboard without meaning to and that I feel bad the next day. I'd like to pretty much drop that habit, and I think he'll be able to help me with that quite easily, which will be great (moneywise, healthwise, and with general happiness). I'm not an alcoholic, but my mother was, and that's something that can happen if you rely on it to escape from problems and I'm aware enough of that that I don't want to go down that road. He said he had a problem with it for 20 years, so... I'm not afraid to talk to him about it. And I talk about that here because I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of -- we're all imperfect, and part of getting better is being able to be honest about your flaws, you know?

So, it will still be a while before I can get ADD meds, but on the plus side, I have been working hard on my art this week anyhow and am not suffering too badly. I do have good weeks, and thankfully this is one of them.

I'll keep you guys posted.



edit: Dr. Simcik just called and asked if I'd be able to come to an appointment next Tuesday at 7:30 PM to work on some other stuff, and I said yes. :D So we'll be working on my other issues quite often, it seems! But that's good. I actually look forward to it.