I need to stop being so afraid and so fucking lazy.

The only times I feel like myself are at conventions, watching movies/tv, and in my former acting classes which I miss every day.

I'm not myself during any other moment of the day. I need to get over these car accident injuries and I need to push myself out of my comfort zone once and for all.

I need to live.

My family says I'm selfish and that I have no gratitude and I don't consider anyone but myself. That is partially true. True because I'm stuck in my own fears. All I can think of is what I want to be...what I want to do...but I have no idea how to do it.....So I'm stuck in my fantasies, thinking of no one but myself.

I want so desperately to be happy and to feel free, but I'm not. I'm trapped.

I need to find a solution. I need to work harder....I need to just work, and practice and get those fucking head shots already. Sure, I have zero money for them, but I have an offer from a former...not enemy...but someone who sort of feels like one still deep down inside. I'll have to go with that and trust it.

I change now. Not tomorrow...not next week...not any later than this very second.

I won't be happy until I take charge and see some progress.