Someone asked me recently if I kept a journal or blog about those things (I could go into all the fun nick names I've seen for them.) Warning, this is going to ramble alot, I'm craming a few years of my life into here to start with, it's late, and I can't be bothered to really proofread.

I guess this will start somewhat retroactively... Puberty sucked for me, I was angry, confused and ultimately really, really violent and introverted.. The idea of being transgendered crossed my mind a few times at this point... Mostly as a wordless concept, I didn't know such a thing was even possible after all.

Fast forward a few years, high school I start to entertain the idea more, at first looking into Premarin due to a friend mentioning it (This actually cost me another friendship for a bit) before kinda fizzling out and feeling hopeless. Shortly after I started drinking alot of soy products because of some research showing a plant hormone in it impacting humans in a way like mammal hormones. But this form of self medication eventually died off due to no noticed effects, and costs of the products. I go to rocky horror with friends near the end of this phase, not making much of a drag queen (Despite my sister's heavy hand's best attempts) and more the part of a girl... And this was really, really nice. It's also about the time I finally learn to care less of what other's think and more to just try and be happy.

Another quick skipping of uneventfulness, and we come to near the end of my 19th year of life... I kinda go nuts to a degree and start trying to define my self as mine, and a effect of this was my gender got called back into my mind's eye as a spotlight issue, I'd had issues with it from when I was about 14, but it kinda... faded at the low points, being a background hum rather then something I -needed- to fix, by January of 2011, I was desperately looking for a therapist who I could confide in, and by my 20th birthday I was setting up my first appointment. This alone really helped me start washing away alot of my doubts and fears, (If replacing them with some new ones in places) and a few weeks after I'm meeting up with her and starting to kinda... "Face" the music, so to speak.

This was also about this time I get the rather... Unfortunate hair cut, guess a part of me should be glad to get the first out of the way fast... It's regrown to being half decent now. I also started to train my voice and body, relearning how to walk and talk (The former I already knew kinda, from past "crossdressing")

After a several sessions I get the letter, and because I can't assume everyone that might read this knows the WPATH standards of care, the letter is basically a statement of readiness to show both informed consent and that it's a good course of action. I started hormone treatment in June, on the 13th.

Here is where things get more related to the issue of hormones, my energy levels dropped in less then a week, and rebounded back up not too much after, I had a day of horrible mood swings about three weeks in, about the time my nipples start to grow tender... And yes, for anyone reading that might know about this, that is REALLY fast (Enough to cause me some paranoia even) but it was deemed fine by my doctor, I just have a liver that seems to process things a little faster then most people should.

And now we start towards today... About a full two months in (Has it really gone that fast o.o) I already have had some breast growth, my body (non facial) hair has already started to diminish. I'm much happier in my day to day life, even when presenting as that funny, male alter-ego. My mood can be a little bit less stable at times, but it's almost always alot better off then I was when... Well, when I was wrong~ Like almost every transperson I really wish I started younger, but I didn't and I won't let that keep me up at night. My mother is half convinced I might be intersexed or a chimera at this point, due to my odd effects from all this...