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I am just fooling myself
18 years ago
Forget about my series, I just cant do it anymore.
I cant hold this back any longer, my angst about the bullshit ready to befall me creatively this year.
Its synchronized sucking it seems, my main sources of inspirations currently are going to face an end one way or another.
But this time I see no hope, no nothing creatively for me... the wells will dry up and a vast desert of emptiness will fill my mind.
I know for sure that medication alone will fail me, I have my family yes but I will be dead creatively.
The shit hole will become dominant and possibly for good, I really dont feel this year is going to be a happy one...
I have been drawing straws to find my way again creatively and nothing is working and this year it seems my slip into darkness will be complete.
I knew there was something wrong with me, its just until now I did not know what it was as I checked myself into a mental hospital not so long ago.
I just dont know anymore
its not been easy, I have been tugged around emotionally for a long time now but maybe now I can get some answers thanks to my diagnosis of having a mental illness.
Maybe that is what has been my problem all along, its just that until now I had no guide.
My recent hospital visit had been a real eye opener, but still it leaves even more uncertainty in the long run... I am still learning about myself, before I thought I knew myself quite well but now I am not sure anymore.
I find myself questioning my existence, what the hell is it all for?
I am just left feeling angry, empty and confused.
right now I am going through a confusing phase in my life, I am still trying to make sense out of all this.
The biggest spot for me is why the hell my mental illness was not detected sooner?
look right now I am going through a very dark period, worse then anything I have felt before, I am trying to find help yes but so far I have not been able to contact anyone on this issue.
its almost a foregone conclusion now, hell I can barely write anymore.
I have no confidence in myself anymore, nor I have any confidence in the world around me...
I guess I am done, I had such great ideas but I just came too late
I cant hold this back any longer, my angst about the bullshit ready to befall me creatively this year.
Its synchronized sucking it seems, my main sources of inspirations currently are going to face an end one way or another.
But this time I see no hope, no nothing creatively for me... the wells will dry up and a vast desert of emptiness will fill my mind.
I know for sure that medication alone will fail me, I have my family yes but I will be dead creatively.
The shit hole will become dominant and possibly for good, I really dont feel this year is going to be a happy one...
I have been drawing straws to find my way again creatively and nothing is working and this year it seems my slip into darkness will be complete.
I knew there was something wrong with me, its just until now I did not know what it was as I checked myself into a mental hospital not so long ago.
I just dont know anymore
its not been easy, I have been tugged around emotionally for a long time now but maybe now I can get some answers thanks to my diagnosis of having a mental illness.
Maybe that is what has been my problem all along, its just that until now I had no guide.
My recent hospital visit had been a real eye opener, but still it leaves even more uncertainty in the long run... I am still learning about myself, before I thought I knew myself quite well but now I am not sure anymore.
I find myself questioning my existence, what the hell is it all for?
I am just left feeling angry, empty and confused.
right now I am going through a confusing phase in my life, I am still trying to make sense out of all this.
The biggest spot for me is why the hell my mental illness was not detected sooner?
look right now I am going through a very dark period, worse then anything I have felt before, I am trying to find help yes but so far I have not been able to contact anyone on this issue.
its almost a foregone conclusion now, hell I can barely write anymore.
I have no confidence in myself anymore, nor I have any confidence in the world around me...
I guess I am done, I had such great ideas but I just came too late
