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You just can't escape the drama
14 years ago
To start with, a timeline of recent events, involving me, Sunspot (my roommate), and two other people, whom we shall call A and B.
Weds, 4:00. I get home from work, and Sunspot tells me about a curious conversation he had, in which person A tells him about a nickname, "Derp Cat," initiating the conversation as though Sunspot should know to whom it refers (me), and thinks it is hilarious that I have gained this nickname. He reports that person A said that someone in Spokane Valley has been going around calling me this name. He also says that person A is now living in another city. I ponder it a bit, and decide that it's really not worth getting mad about.
Weds, 6:30. I teach a Bible Study at church. The conversation includes a discussion about how holding grudges and getting in fights over silly things like name-calling isn't worth it. I thank the member who said that, because it helps me see what I need to do with the situation.
Weds, 9:15. I send a message to person A. It contains four words: "Do me a favor?" My intention is for him to please tell whomever started this to please have the courage to tell me to my face, so I can learn of the person's motives, and offer forgiveness and resolution.
Thurs, 3:30. I come home from work, and Sunspot tells me that person B texted him angrily about "Why did you tell Kiyoshi?" There is also some mention that person A does not understand why I am in a relationship with El Conejo (which is none of his business in the first place). Sunspot tells me his part in the conversation while summarizing person B's. We agree that on the surface, it appears that B is the instigator. I have a guest coming for dinner, and don't really have time to lead any further investigation.
Thurs, 3:45. I send a message to B stating, "Please confront me to my face if you feel a need to do so. Also, you are forgiven for 'Derpcat.'" Then I go about getting ready for my guest, preparing food for dinner and washing dishes. I show Sunspot the message before sending it, so he knows what I said and to whom it went.
Thurs, 4:50. I receive a response from B while my guest is here. In the interest of politeness and hospitality, I merely glance at the message and set the phone aside. The language appears rather explosive.
Thurs, 7:00. Dinner is cooked, after some unexpected delay. Sunspot tells me that whatever message I sent, he is now getting angry messages from B. He says that B reports the phrase came from A, not from him. I decide not to pursue the conversation, briefly explaining to my guest that I am dealing with a curious conversation in which an insult has been anonymously thrown my way, and that I am seeking to resolve the situation peacefully, but that it is becoming more complex.
Thurs, 10:00. I begin this journal entry. I am writing it on FA, knowing that this is a public forum, knowing that both A and B might see it, and frankly I hope they do - let them see before my next step exactly what I intend. But it's main purpose is so that I can process the whole of the situation myself, get it out of my head, and allow me to sleep tonight. As I said in the text messages, it is my intent to continue to deal with this directly with them. Not tonight, because it's late and I have another long day ahead tomorrow. It's not worth getting angry over. It's not worth starting a new grudge.
B has held a grudge against me for almost two years now, since I confronted him over something where I felt I was wronged. After telling me that I must grow up and handle my problems, B did something that countered what he said he would do, so I confronted him. I asked, albiet angrily, for an explanation of why his actions directly countered what he said he would do. This led to an equally angry response on his part and a demand that I speak no more of it. I complied, and have heard naught from him since. I have held no grudge, and offered more than one olive branch, though I have heard multiple reports from mutual friends since then that he maintains a grudge against me and shows no interest in an end to it.
I've learned the hard way: grudges are destructive. They typically do far more to harm the person holding them than the target, and usually hurt a lot of people caught in between as well. They're also sinful, as was discussed in the Bible Study on Wednesday. So they really just aren't worth it. I have far more pressing matters to deal with: I have a job interview on Monday. I have students to teach tomorrow in a language I am really not competent in. I have a student to tutor in a language I speak well, but at times that are not working for either of us this week. It is my ten year college reunion, and I have friends in town I wish to see. I have bills pilling up. I have several activities at church which are demanding my attention and little enough time or help to accomplish them.
A grudge will eat far too much of my time, so I sought to end the situation peaceably and amicably. I will make one more attempt with both A and B. If that does not end it, then I will simply walk away from the situation. It is not worth my time to continue for people who celebrate such a hate-fest, and if they think it is worth theirs, then I offer only pity. Let them waste their time without me.
Weds, 4:00. I get home from work, and Sunspot tells me about a curious conversation he had, in which person A tells him about a nickname, "Derp Cat," initiating the conversation as though Sunspot should know to whom it refers (me), and thinks it is hilarious that I have gained this nickname. He reports that person A said that someone in Spokane Valley has been going around calling me this name. He also says that person A is now living in another city. I ponder it a bit, and decide that it's really not worth getting mad about.
Weds, 6:30. I teach a Bible Study at church. The conversation includes a discussion about how holding grudges and getting in fights over silly things like name-calling isn't worth it. I thank the member who said that, because it helps me see what I need to do with the situation.
Weds, 9:15. I send a message to person A. It contains four words: "Do me a favor?" My intention is for him to please tell whomever started this to please have the courage to tell me to my face, so I can learn of the person's motives, and offer forgiveness and resolution.
Thurs, 3:30. I come home from work, and Sunspot tells me that person B texted him angrily about "Why did you tell Kiyoshi?" There is also some mention that person A does not understand why I am in a relationship with El Conejo (which is none of his business in the first place). Sunspot tells me his part in the conversation while summarizing person B's. We agree that on the surface, it appears that B is the instigator. I have a guest coming for dinner, and don't really have time to lead any further investigation.
Thurs, 3:45. I send a message to B stating, "Please confront me to my face if you feel a need to do so. Also, you are forgiven for 'Derpcat.'" Then I go about getting ready for my guest, preparing food for dinner and washing dishes. I show Sunspot the message before sending it, so he knows what I said and to whom it went.
Thurs, 4:50. I receive a response from B while my guest is here. In the interest of politeness and hospitality, I merely glance at the message and set the phone aside. The language appears rather explosive.
Thurs, 7:00. Dinner is cooked, after some unexpected delay. Sunspot tells me that whatever message I sent, he is now getting angry messages from B. He says that B reports the phrase came from A, not from him. I decide not to pursue the conversation, briefly explaining to my guest that I am dealing with a curious conversation in which an insult has been anonymously thrown my way, and that I am seeking to resolve the situation peacefully, but that it is becoming more complex.
Thurs, 10:00. I begin this journal entry. I am writing it on FA, knowing that this is a public forum, knowing that both A and B might see it, and frankly I hope they do - let them see before my next step exactly what I intend. But it's main purpose is so that I can process the whole of the situation myself, get it out of my head, and allow me to sleep tonight. As I said in the text messages, it is my intent to continue to deal with this directly with them. Not tonight, because it's late and I have another long day ahead tomorrow. It's not worth getting angry over. It's not worth starting a new grudge.
B has held a grudge against me for almost two years now, since I confronted him over something where I felt I was wronged. After telling me that I must grow up and handle my problems, B did something that countered what he said he would do, so I confronted him. I asked, albiet angrily, for an explanation of why his actions directly countered what he said he would do. This led to an equally angry response on his part and a demand that I speak no more of it. I complied, and have heard naught from him since. I have held no grudge, and offered more than one olive branch, though I have heard multiple reports from mutual friends since then that he maintains a grudge against me and shows no interest in an end to it.
I've learned the hard way: grudges are destructive. They typically do far more to harm the person holding them than the target, and usually hurt a lot of people caught in between as well. They're also sinful, as was discussed in the Bible Study on Wednesday. So they really just aren't worth it. I have far more pressing matters to deal with: I have a job interview on Monday. I have students to teach tomorrow in a language I am really not competent in. I have a student to tutor in a language I speak well, but at times that are not working for either of us this week. It is my ten year college reunion, and I have friends in town I wish to see. I have bills pilling up. I have several activities at church which are demanding my attention and little enough time or help to accomplish them.
A grudge will eat far too much of my time, so I sought to end the situation peaceably and amicably. I will make one more attempt with both A and B. If that does not end it, then I will simply walk away from the situation. It is not worth my time to continue for people who celebrate such a hate-fest, and if they think it is worth theirs, then I offer only pity. Let them waste their time without me.
I wonder if I even want to get to know any of the local furs if its like this. Honesty and directness is something I appreciate very much. This type of thing though... * shakes head and walks away*