Not sure how to feel at all about finding out that my best friend I've had here in Chicago was making out with one of my very good personal friends that I was sort of involved with. In fact, my feelings are somewhat beyond mixed. Perhaps diced, frapped, blended. And other settings on blenders. Because it's not like there was any true bond severed, except perhaps now I can't trust him. Or her.

"First, there is desire. Then, passion. Then, suspicion. Jealousy. Anger. Betrayal. When love is for the highest bidder, there can be no trust. Without trust, there can be no love. Jealousy, yes, jealousy will drive you mad."

In this case I just feel like the Narcoleptic Argentinian, telling a story I feel strangely removed from. Not only did I sever myself from my mate that I really did care for until I found himself trying to exploit me, but I then found my friends dallying without my presence. Not that I discourage friendship, but I felt as though they'd simply been waiting for me to not be there. I didn't even have any suspicions until now. How long have they been waiting? Anger, a little yes, that they waited a full week to tell me. Betrayal, not so much, but I'm still upset. And the highest bidder here is simply availability I suppose, which is just as bad. No trust, and I never loved, but I did care. And I'm not jealous enough to go mad.

But I am jealous enough to simply back out quietly.