I have often watched less sessile creatures from my lofty perch on the vine and wondered what their lives are like, when they are not the victims of gangs of aphids and the occasional lady bug. So I have set out into your world and find myself often increasingly bewildered, afraid, and dehydrated.

But I would like to make friends, if you are willing to overlook my disability [vegetative state] in this case, and see me for who I really am [a source of fiber and love]. I think together we can bridge the gap between mammal, reptile, avian and vegetable, as has been done with the fruit people. Forgive me I offend you sometimes with my inadequate speak; google translator is preferable to Wallowfort, the tongue of my people.

Yours truly,
~Duke Cuke