I am terrified of my inability to interact adequately with others... I am terrified of approaching others, as I fear being viewed as repulsively odd. I long more than anything to be able to say words that catch in the back of my throat and fail to emerge.

Curse words. Common phrases. Obscure Internet references. Confessions years old. I can't get rid of them no matter what I do.

I rationalize with myself to justify some feelings and disown others. I dehumanize myself in order to be successful. It seems I can create anything but bonds, and my time is running out to form these bonds.

I am disgusted by females. I have a deep, unkillable resentment for women. It angers me that I harbor this hatred, and yet it exists. I will never trust a woman unless she proves to me that she is worth trusting. It takes a lot for someone to assure me of this.

I calculate scenarios in my head before they occur. I hesitate in speaking, for I must evaluate each response to my words before I share them. I like deep, meaningful conversations, but pointless ones are just as enjoyable. I tap my foot, chew on my lip, and tear at my hair when I am nervous or thinking.

I like to believe that I am satisfied with the way things are in my life, for I am very happy, but I have a deep loneliness setting in that I cannot shake. I have a desire to be cared for that I have suppressed for many years. Now I fear it is truly gnawing at the back of my mind.

I am always the last person I think of. My sanity, my health, my longings, are second behind everyone else's. I wish at times that I could be more motivated to take care of MYSELF. I see goodness in everyone. I see the potential in everyone I know. I wish that potential could be revealed to them, and when I do reveal it on the odd occasion, I wish they would believe that they have that ability to succeed.

I am angry at the state of the world. Everyone seems to hate one another. Everyone seems to want to make things worse for someone else. Nobody takes the time to look at things diplomatically. I am disappointed in the way humans treat one another, and the apathy of our leaders sickens me.

I am an emotional procrastinator. For years, I have kept words locked inside that I will probably never gather up the courage to share. I don't know what love is, and I may never know, but by the definitions I have seen, that is what I feel. I want to badly to say it, but I am absolutely horrified of outcomes I can never hope to predict...

I'm not really as cold or dead as I appear--as inhuman as I lead on to be. I am sarcastic as anything. When I'm not putting on a professional demeanor for my higher-ups, I'm a sardonic son-of-a-gun. I like to do things, even if it's impossible to do anything when money makes things prohibitive.

I consider myself genderless. I have an "official" gender that I do not desire to share on the Internet, but despite that, I do feel without a gender. I'm in a gray area, although I am probably more masculine.

I dream often, and when I do, I dream only of people. Perhaps this is my mind's way of making up for my lack of social interaction. I have never been held. To my knowledge, I have never been the subject of another's admiration... I resent falsity, and I believe this is what makes me displeasing to the eye.

I am under pressure. I feel the need to impress others with my intellect, and this proves to make me appear emotionally detached with my priorities in dreary places.

I do not wish to control. I do not wish to hurt others. I do not wish for anyone to feel pain. Life is too short to waste on such things.

I doubt this will be heard. I doubt this will amount to anything. But I can't lock myself inside my own worries anymore. I have been silent for too long, hoping that wishful thinking would amount to more than it has. I only have a small amount of time left. I want to make something of that time. I want to be more than a body in a room with a clock in my head.

Because that clock is ticking and my heart is beating in time with it.