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A Thought Process Over The Past Year Or So
14 years ago
This is a thought process I've had over the past year or so, brought up every handful of days to weeks. It's highly possible you won't understand anything I'm talking about. I just feel like getting this off my chest.
"I wish I understood why he gets like this. It seems like nothing I say quite gets through."
"Maybe it's just a mood, maybe something triggered it, but any attempts to understand it fail to sound reasonable to me. He's making exceptions, then committing double standards, and I don't know what to think of it."
"Why are you doing this? God damnit, I'm your friend, why won't you listen to me and trust me? Why are you going on this crusade?"
"You ask for it, you literally ask for it! Why should I as your friend have to be the one who does something? Why should you even force this upon your friend in the first place?"
"I just need to say the right thing. If I can find the right words, maybe he'll realize something.. fucking hell, why am I even bothering? He's proven to dismiss anything and everything without fail and then never gives me a straight answer."
"This is just unfair. I don't deserve this stress. I keep wanting to do it, but there HAS to be another way, there MUST be something I can say to convince him to stop."
"I cherish this friendship too much to let all this get to me. He's still a good person. Just fuck if I knew why he seems convinced the world's out to get him sometimes. I just wish he wouldn't then act like such a hypocrite an asshole and take everything perceived against him and unleash it back 100 fold."
"You don't even realize what I am going through. Not even explaining how stressful this has been registers with you. Why? I think that's what hurts the most, far more than you treating others so vehemently for no god damn reason, far more than how heart breaking it is that you don't even seem to realize your own hypocrisy."
"I just want this to end. I want it to stop. I want my friend back."
I'd say I want to cry, but that'd be a lie. I suppose most others would in my situation. Instead, I just feel it all baring down on me, making my neck ache, and plaguing my thoughts.
"I wish I understood why he gets like this. It seems like nothing I say quite gets through."
"Maybe it's just a mood, maybe something triggered it, but any attempts to understand it fail to sound reasonable to me. He's making exceptions, then committing double standards, and I don't know what to think of it."
"Why are you doing this? God damnit, I'm your friend, why won't you listen to me and trust me? Why are you going on this crusade?"
"You ask for it, you literally ask for it! Why should I as your friend have to be the one who does something? Why should you even force this upon your friend in the first place?"
"I just need to say the right thing. If I can find the right words, maybe he'll realize something.. fucking hell, why am I even bothering? He's proven to dismiss anything and everything without fail and then never gives me a straight answer."
"This is just unfair. I don't deserve this stress. I keep wanting to do it, but there HAS to be another way, there MUST be something I can say to convince him to stop."
"I cherish this friendship too much to let all this get to me. He's still a good person. Just fuck if I knew why he seems convinced the world's out to get him sometimes. I just wish he wouldn't then act like such a hypocrite an asshole and take everything perceived against him and unleash it back 100 fold."
"You don't even realize what I am going through. Not even explaining how stressful this has been registers with you. Why? I think that's what hurts the most, far more than you treating others so vehemently for no god damn reason, far more than how heart breaking it is that you don't even seem to realize your own hypocrisy."
"I just want this to end. I want it to stop. I want my friend back."
I'd say I want to cry, but that'd be a lie. I suppose most others would in my situation. Instead, I just feel it all baring down on me, making my neck ache, and plaguing my thoughts.
These thoughts are all because of me. I don't know if there is a me to give back, either. The song seems to fit my thoughts, for what it's worth.
Just message me like I said on the phone when ya get home.