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the magic of the internet
14 years ago
~~!!DISCLAIMER. this is an actual journal. like i typed about my life and shit. you can ignore it. LOL.!!~~
it occurs to me today, as i sit in my bathroom to avoid other people in my house, on the floor and naked because a towel or blanket or clothes would mean i have to go past those same people i'm in here to avoid, that i am not a social creature unless it is online.
online i crave friends and socialization. i like talking and ocing and skyping and gaming and other things like that. (but never over email.)
in real life i feel that keeping in contact with people be it via text or email or morse code or just by walking by their place of work- so long as it's not facebook, facebook i can deal with- is just too much fucking work.
i've been trying to make friends with a dude i'm gonna call zeldapizza. now zeldapizza works at a pizza shop i like and i gave him my email and phone number. we have very similar interests! he's a pretty cool dude! i wish i were friends with him! but i can never remember to check my email or respond to my texts and my phone is always dying because no one ever even texts me unless it's dead anyway and the charger is missing and jesus christ it's just a clusterfuck.
and every day that i can't find my phone charger, i worry that zeldapizza is starting to hate me. and hes not gonna buy it when i find the fucking thing and am like WOOP LOST MY LIFELINE TO THE UNIVERSE
and i love my friends, i want to go out all the time, but after i go out with the same person too many times i'm just like UGH
AGAIN?
REALLY?
I WANT TO PRETEND TO BE A BROODING INTROSPECTIVE ART STUDENT TODAY.
even though i love that person and we have fun together.
unless it's on the internet.
i've talked to akuda-on-here nearly every day for like five or six or maybe seven years and i never get sick of her. i've never gotten sick of any of the people on my msn. well, once or twice, but it's been like 8 years. i'm entitled to two.
i dunno, i just felt the need to type all that out.
i've never been a 'journal' person but i feel better now that i've gotten all that down.
FEEL FREE TO IGNORE THE JOURNAL there's nothing particularly art related in it.
it occurs to me today, as i sit in my bathroom to avoid other people in my house, on the floor and naked because a towel or blanket or clothes would mean i have to go past those same people i'm in here to avoid, that i am not a social creature unless it is online.
online i crave friends and socialization. i like talking and ocing and skyping and gaming and other things like that. (but never over email.)
in real life i feel that keeping in contact with people be it via text or email or morse code or just by walking by their place of work- so long as it's not facebook, facebook i can deal with- is just too much fucking work.
i've been trying to make friends with a dude i'm gonna call zeldapizza. now zeldapizza works at a pizza shop i like and i gave him my email and phone number. we have very similar interests! he's a pretty cool dude! i wish i were friends with him! but i can never remember to check my email or respond to my texts and my phone is always dying because no one ever even texts me unless it's dead anyway and the charger is missing and jesus christ it's just a clusterfuck.
and every day that i can't find my phone charger, i worry that zeldapizza is starting to hate me. and hes not gonna buy it when i find the fucking thing and am like WOOP LOST MY LIFELINE TO THE UNIVERSE
and i love my friends, i want to go out all the time, but after i go out with the same person too many times i'm just like UGH
AGAIN?
REALLY?
I WANT TO PRETEND TO BE A BROODING INTROSPECTIVE ART STUDENT TODAY.
even though i love that person and we have fun together.
unless it's on the internet.
i've talked to akuda-on-here nearly every day for like five or six or maybe seven years and i never get sick of her. i've never gotten sick of any of the people on my msn. well, once or twice, but it's been like 8 years. i'm entitled to two.
i dunno, i just felt the need to type all that out.
i've never been a 'journal' person but i feel better now that i've gotten all that down.
FEEL FREE TO IGNORE THE JOURNAL there's nothing particularly art related in it.
it sounds a lot like i'm just speculating that about myself, but i mean even the teachers made fun of my taste in music, looks, and weight from elementary to middle school. one of them nicknamed me "sleeping beautiless" haha. can't hate though, he was a brilliant mathmetician and he could teach you calculus in a single day if he really wanted to, he'd just be an unbelievable dick while he was doing it.
anyway
maybe i liked being alone and because it spanned 11 years i'm just like, "Oh jesus being a normal person is so much work" even after i dropped the weight and started making friends and started wearing makeup. maybe i impose all that work on myself. maybe it's in part because i restrict my facebook to close friends with no bad habits. i dunno. maybe i just need to speculate for hours on end about why my people skills are awful and they'll be good again.
/SHA-RUG.
Real life, it's so awkward. No one around where I live shares any interests, besides when peers oggle at my art just because it is "good." They never want to talk about why I want to draw what I draw or anything like that. It's just an object to look at. I like talking about my interests, but I feel I can only do that online.
people in real life are weird, and they want to talk about like, sports, and by the GODS they will start a sports related conversation with you EVERY TIME YOU SEE THEM no matter how many times you say you only like rugby and hockey.
online i can be like, LOOK AT THIS ART. IT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL. and no one will be like
"dude, that's a furry," they'll say "I agree! Thanks for showing me this artist!" and it's.. a breath of fresh air to say the least.
Like. Sometimes people IRL will be like "WHY DO YOU DRAW AMINAL PEOPLE ALL THE TIME AND PEOPLE WITH HORNS?" No, no, it's never like actually looking at it.
AND THEIR MUNDANE SPORTS CONVERSATIONS, by GOD the mundane sports conversations.
I agree, being online can be like a breath of fresh air.
and honestly i don't like it when people watch me draw to begin with, and i've said it, but everyone still does it? i mean.. it's cool that they're interested or whatever, just.. i'd prefer it not to happen.