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Pet Peeve
14 years ago
If you're writing a story that requires switching between multiple perspectives during a chapter, use Tight Third-Person POV. Don't keep switching between Third- and First- (for your protagonist), and if you have to do that don't write things like "[X]'s POV" when you need to switch. Use a section break. A few asterisks, anything would be better than holding up a flag going "we're changing perspective now"!
Incidentally, there was no need to switch POVs for a single paragraph describing your protagonist knocking on a door, walking into an office, and chatting with the man inside. And then don't compound the error by switching back out of the protagonist's POV without any clear delineation!
Of course, this is supposed to be a military story, and the writer is ostensibly knowledgeable, but since it's a furry story as well, I have no doubt that soon we'll have troops advancing into a hostile-held area without any recon, or even acknowledgement of the fact that they don't have concrete info.
EDIT: Found another story where a seller of some illicit substance gets in his car, and is shot by the buyer. With a hollowpoint, "tactical" M4. Through the head. And he has to lean over the hood of the car to do so. I can by that he wanted to shoot the guy. I can understand that he had the gun in the trunk of his car. But why not just use a suppressed pistol? It's not like you need hollow points to shoot someone at point blank range, and it's easier to coceal. For that matter, why did he need to lean over the hood? the M4 has a range of hundreds of metres. Even a handgun is around, what, 50 yds? Plenty of range, even suppressed.
Also, the exclusive illicit nightclub dealing in drugs and sex is not going to use keycards for special patron access, unless they're really, really dumb. If the cops cotton on, all they need is someone who looks like the person, with the card and a wire.
EDIT 2: Turns out story one is worse than accurate. It's very accurate. It's so accurate the writer went to great pains to show us how accurate it is. Characterization and moving the plot along be hanged; he need to know the medical description of having your blood taken in detail! Screw the actual pr0n, knowing someone used a low-guard position is vital!
And then, yes, we have an assault force advancing into hostile territory without recon.
Incidentally, why does a guy named Raymond have the surname "Gene"? And how does a general know the smell of canine man-batter? And now you went and mentioned...Soap MacTavish? From Modern Warfare? And a Navy SEAL carrying and using a katana?
Nope_pushComputerOffTable.gif
Incidentally, there was no need to switch POVs for a single paragraph describing your protagonist knocking on a door, walking into an office, and chatting with the man inside. And then don't compound the error by switching back out of the protagonist's POV without any clear delineation!
Of course, this is supposed to be a military story, and the writer is ostensibly knowledgeable, but since it's a furry story as well, I have no doubt that soon we'll have troops advancing into a hostile-held area without any recon, or even acknowledgement of the fact that they don't have concrete info.
EDIT: Found another story where a seller of some illicit substance gets in his car, and is shot by the buyer. With a hollowpoint, "tactical" M4. Through the head. And he has to lean over the hood of the car to do so. I can by that he wanted to shoot the guy. I can understand that he had the gun in the trunk of his car. But why not just use a suppressed pistol? It's not like you need hollow points to shoot someone at point blank range, and it's easier to coceal. For that matter, why did he need to lean over the hood? the M4 has a range of hundreds of metres. Even a handgun is around, what, 50 yds? Plenty of range, even suppressed.
Also, the exclusive illicit nightclub dealing in drugs and sex is not going to use keycards for special patron access, unless they're really, really dumb. If the cops cotton on, all they need is someone who looks like the person, with the card and a wire.
EDIT 2: Turns out story one is worse than accurate. It's very accurate. It's so accurate the writer went to great pains to show us how accurate it is. Characterization and moving the plot along be hanged; he need to know the medical description of having your blood taken in detail! Screw the actual pr0n, knowing someone used a low-guard position is vital!
And then, yes, we have an assault force advancing into hostile territory without recon.
Incidentally, why does a guy named Raymond have the surname "Gene"? And how does a general know the smell of canine man-batter? And now you went and mentioned...Soap MacTavish? From Modern Warfare? And a Navy SEAL carrying and using a katana?
Nope_pushComputerOffTable.gif
Which, admittedly, I've done. But I've at least tried to write like a writer. Some people just seem to want to make up their own rules.
Mind you, I've seen books that managed to be educational subtly and without breaking stride, such as the Belisarius Series. This guy is so focused on putting his info-porn that the actual naughtytimes last about three generic lines every time they come up.
No pun intended.
sure, send it!
Please!