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Words for everyone
14 years ago
Words for everyone
It seems so many look for mates and find them, only to break up. What I have to say is not new, but needs to be said. Some of it (well more than some) is stolen from my mom (married for 47 years).
Pray together, play together ,stay together. You each chose the other … it takes effort to keep it that way. All you have to do to be together is to be together.
Never go to bed mad at each other. This will mean some sleepless nights, but they will be together. It is a good practice to not bring up issues late night. When you get tired, no one thinks clearly and anger flares. If it is important to talk about something do it early.
It the little things that count. Saying “I love you”, giving your mate the last piece of chocolate, doing something they really like (even if you do not). One good thing is to randomly choose a day and make it your mates day for being specially cared for.
It is not about you; it is about the two of you. This is a hard one, it takes time to really understand it fully. When you join together, you give your life to them, and they give their life to you.
If it bothers you say something before it becomes big. Say it in the best way you can, but say it. Before you say anything, you must be willing to change whatever it is. And it must be done in a positive way.
If you can't find something positive to say shut up. This is a golden rule read it, live it!
Compromise, compromise, compromise. Compromising takes two (or more sometimes). It should not be always your way, or their way. Normally it will be some way in the middle (so both get some of what they want).
Forgive and forget it. Really forget it, do not bring it up again EVER! If you want forgiveness, you must give it.
Remember the good times Good times do not come everyday, especially the really good times. Bad times happen way too often. Do not make any other persons life harder than it is already.
Remember why you chose the one your with. Remember it always. Go over old pictures and the good times. Cry together, laugh together, kiss, hug, sit silently and just hold each other.
A promise is a promise is a promise. If you promise your mate then KEEP IT!!!! Even if it hurts you to do it! Some promises therefore need conditions to be met to fulfill them.
When you become mates you life changes. Your world becomes bigger, not smaller! More history, more friends, more possibilities. Being mated is not the end of the search, it's the beginning of all the searches that are more fun to do together. Be the guardians of each others solitudes. Not only do you need to give each other space, you need to make each other space. No difficult conversations after 10pm (or whatever the appropriate time is for both of you). Not only is it harder to solve problems when you're tired, but at least half the time being tired is the problem.
Your are a team together. Both of you should be able to do everything your team needs. You'll have your preferences and strengths and habits, but if one of you goes down, the other one has to be able to cover. Becoming mated does not change someone overnight. We all have flaws and strengths. Take time to learn them both. If you aren't already the world's leading experts on each other, you will be soon. It is thus your responsibility to be not only the world's biggest fans of each other's best qualities, but also the world's staunchest fans of each other's weaknesses and flaws.
Get pets. By far the easiest way to remember that you have to feed your shared life together is if part of it comes and stomps on you every morning. It gives both of you something you must care for together, as a shared part of your life. Committing yourselves to one another is one of the most mature, responsible, focused decisions you can make. Balance it out by being immature, irresponsible and playful together as often as possible. Only make sure you do each at the appropriate time.
It seems so many look for mates and find them, only to break up. What I have to say is not new, but needs to be said. Some of it (well more than some) is stolen from my mom (married for 47 years).
Pray together, play together ,stay together. You each chose the other … it takes effort to keep it that way. All you have to do to be together is to be together.
Never go to bed mad at each other. This will mean some sleepless nights, but they will be together. It is a good practice to not bring up issues late night. When you get tired, no one thinks clearly and anger flares. If it is important to talk about something do it early.
It the little things that count. Saying “I love you”, giving your mate the last piece of chocolate, doing something they really like (even if you do not). One good thing is to randomly choose a day and make it your mates day for being specially cared for.
It is not about you; it is about the two of you. This is a hard one, it takes time to really understand it fully. When you join together, you give your life to them, and they give their life to you.
If it bothers you say something before it becomes big. Say it in the best way you can, but say it. Before you say anything, you must be willing to change whatever it is. And it must be done in a positive way.
If you can't find something positive to say shut up. This is a golden rule read it, live it!
Compromise, compromise, compromise. Compromising takes two (or more sometimes). It should not be always your way, or their way. Normally it will be some way in the middle (so both get some of what they want).
Forgive and forget it. Really forget it, do not bring it up again EVER! If you want forgiveness, you must give it.
Remember the good times Good times do not come everyday, especially the really good times. Bad times happen way too often. Do not make any other persons life harder than it is already.
Remember why you chose the one your with. Remember it always. Go over old pictures and the good times. Cry together, laugh together, kiss, hug, sit silently and just hold each other.
A promise is a promise is a promise. If you promise your mate then KEEP IT!!!! Even if it hurts you to do it! Some promises therefore need conditions to be met to fulfill them.
When you become mates you life changes. Your world becomes bigger, not smaller! More history, more friends, more possibilities. Being mated is not the end of the search, it's the beginning of all the searches that are more fun to do together. Be the guardians of each others solitudes. Not only do you need to give each other space, you need to make each other space. No difficult conversations after 10pm (or whatever the appropriate time is for both of you). Not only is it harder to solve problems when you're tired, but at least half the time being tired is the problem.
Your are a team together. Both of you should be able to do everything your team needs. You'll have your preferences and strengths and habits, but if one of you goes down, the other one has to be able to cover. Becoming mated does not change someone overnight. We all have flaws and strengths. Take time to learn them both. If you aren't already the world's leading experts on each other, you will be soon. It is thus your responsibility to be not only the world's biggest fans of each other's best qualities, but also the world's staunchest fans of each other's weaknesses and flaws.
Get pets. By far the easiest way to remember that you have to feed your shared life together is if part of it comes and stomps on you every morning. It gives both of you something you must care for together, as a shared part of your life. Committing yourselves to one another is one of the most mature, responsible, focused decisions you can make. Balance it out by being immature, irresponsible and playful together as often as possible. Only make sure you do each at the appropriate time.
the don't go to bed mad rule that's good rule