seems that writing stories of self hate and masochism helps me feel a little bit numb, even if the stories are exactly like my day-to-day life...i've given up on trying to feel better, it never lasts and always makes me even more depressed realizing i was somewhat okay a few hours ago. for fear of being reported as suicidal, i'm not posting my stories, as much as i love them. it's not like anyone would really want to read the writings of a madwoman anyways.