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Lonely
14 years ago
For many people, this will possibly be TL:DR. If you don't care to read a bit of slightly whiny introspection, move on, or go find something pleasant to fap to.
I was born this day, 27 years, and 10 hours ago, in those long years I have done a great many things successfully, but love, and companionship is difficult. I don't want to say it's impossible, because that is to make it a certainty.
My friends in the area know me as a crass, nihilistic individual who occasionally looks to others on guidance in personal matters, and reflection on feelings that I'm bearing that I can't understand or come to terms with. I wield sarcasm hard enough to cause blunt force trauma, and made a 19 year old cry once in pleasant company.
This isn't me... this isn't who I am, or who I want to be. The real me doesn't come out around my parents... that's a self-serving, withdrawn individual who lives as a hermit in his room. It doesn't come out around my sister... that facade is guarded and protective. It doesn't come out around my co-workers... I'm all business.
The real Me. I desire closeness with everyone I can call friend, I ache for it. The real me came out for the first time in almost a year last night. I have a big heart, a great sense of humor, and love to cuddle. I desire to do well without stepping on toes, to receive love in return, to feel appreciated and respected despite some of my less than desirable traits or appearance.
Streaks, even if she doesn't realize it, gave me a very important experience... and the hugs from her, Airguitar, Altenia, and especially Fuzzy made me feel so wonderful. All that aside, I had a really great time just getting to talk with them all again. It was a happiness deeper then I can remember in some time. Why does it have to hurt so much now that it's over?
I don't know why I'm crying. If it's lamenting time lost with people I know are so incredible as those that had to return to their own lives, far away, or the sudden gap where one had only just closed. I hope I can get to know everyone better, and that it's not still another year before I can make it to Canada. I don't know how much longer I'll last at this rate.
I was born this day, 27 years, and 10 hours ago, in those long years I have done a great many things successfully, but love, and companionship is difficult. I don't want to say it's impossible, because that is to make it a certainty.
My friends in the area know me as a crass, nihilistic individual who occasionally looks to others on guidance in personal matters, and reflection on feelings that I'm bearing that I can't understand or come to terms with. I wield sarcasm hard enough to cause blunt force trauma, and made a 19 year old cry once in pleasant company.
This isn't me... this isn't who I am, or who I want to be. The real me doesn't come out around my parents... that's a self-serving, withdrawn individual who lives as a hermit in his room. It doesn't come out around my sister... that facade is guarded and protective. It doesn't come out around my co-workers... I'm all business.
The real Me. I desire closeness with everyone I can call friend, I ache for it. The real me came out for the first time in almost a year last night. I have a big heart, a great sense of humor, and love to cuddle. I desire to do well without stepping on toes, to receive love in return, to feel appreciated and respected despite some of my less than desirable traits or appearance.
Streaks, even if she doesn't realize it, gave me a very important experience... and the hugs from her, Airguitar, Altenia, and especially Fuzzy made me feel so wonderful. All that aside, I had a really great time just getting to talk with them all again. It was a happiness deeper then I can remember in some time. Why does it have to hurt so much now that it's over?
I don't know why I'm crying. If it's lamenting time lost with people I know are so incredible as those that had to return to their own lives, far away, or the sudden gap where one had only just closed. I hope I can get to know everyone better, and that it's not still another year before I can make it to Canada. I don't know how much longer I'll last at this rate.
Lobolito
~lobolito
Shin, you are like a butterfly crept up in a harsh and hardened chrysalis... the butterfly within is among the rarest and most beautiful of all, but you have a problem emerging from it, even to people you know and love. Worse still, even when you do manage to escape from it, the outside world often frightens you into returning inside it, because its safe and you don't have to let people know who you really are... it saddens me to see that Chrysalis... its like a person who has seen the most beautiful work of art in the history of humanity, and instead finds himself face to face with the old, dusty box in which it's kept. I understand that the world is harsh and cruel, but don't hide yourself and shut yourself away from it... beauty and love and warmth like yours is rare, and should be shared. I love you, Shin. Love you more than I think either of us even knows. Open up more, and be less guarded, at least with we who know you... don't hide the best of yourself, because you'll find that as time goes on, it'll with and vanish... and the shell will be all that's left. Don't be a shell, Shin... be who we all know you are.
nexii_vanadis
~nexiivanadis
Shin you really need to push the paperwork and such to move up here! You'll be a lot happier for it I think
StreaksSkunk
~streaksskunk
*just read this nao* .. *hugs* <3
