Heya guys. Well here I am, it's almost 5 A.M. and I am having insomnia of the worst kind. (usual for me lately and most of my adult life) And as I lay here in th dark, listening to some pop hits coming in low on the television, I can't help but think over things. My first thought is about my trip I've been on for the past month to visit my master and brother here in North Carolina, which has been an amazing trip by the way, and I have enjoyed every minute of it, but my mind is torn. On the one hand I am loving it here and have been able to relax and be me for once, and on the other hand I am missing my home in Alabama something aweful and want to be back where the "skies are so blue". I've been conflicted for weeks, my Dad for once in I can't remember how long, told me he was proud of me for branching out and doing my own thing and trying to make my own life. While my mother has been missing me, she is like my best friend, its been just me and mom against the world. Even if mom causes drama and stirs up shit I still love her cause no matter what she has stuck by me all my life. So you see guys, I'm just torn on whether to stay here or return home and decide later on moving. Also I've gotten new I may not even be able to be home for Christmas which is something I desperately wanted to do. Dad, having used up all his vacation days early in the year like always due to his diabetes and other ailments, says he won't be able to come get me ON Christmas, which is the last thing I want to do on that day. Secondly, my wonderful mate Max and I have been talking about finally meeting and spending the holidays together, and so this has popped my bubble on those plans so I'm in a rather moody slump. Two years he and I have been together and the one time I thought we might actually meet dashed in an instant. Well, I'm not going to give up hope and try to see my wife whenever possible. I know no one will ever read this journal, but I wanted to get the words out there and rant as it were. If by some chance someone does read this and has any encouraging words, I'd love to hear them.

Sincerily yours,

Khaos of Envy