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The 7 types of People You Don't Want to Date. Ever.
13 years ago
So you are on a date. The guy/girl you're seeing is great. You're talking, boozing, schmoozing, and you already see that white picket fence and the two-car garage equipped with S&M equipment, right?
Well, that's usually the case. Things go great short-term, but either you lost what leftover magic you had with him or he lost that magic with you. Sure, you think you can come up of ways to rekindle the love, but it doesn't work.
Don't get me wrong, it usually does work. If there aren't any long-term psychological problems with that guy, it would. But let's be honest here, you're too in love with that person to notice the problems that would later grow to plague your love life.
Let's identify the long-term problems of relationships and the types of people who will be more of a detriment to you. Also, plans to either stick it out, or bail. So let's get started!
Disclaimer: Interchange "his" to "her" according to your situation.
1.) The Possessive Type
You know the drill. He loves you, cares for you, showers you with gifts, and calls you all the time. A little TOO much, actually. He calls you every waking moment, he gives you too many gifts, and ALL the time he says loves you. At this point, even YOU want to make him stop! Behind this "affection" though, is a guilt trip. A guilt trip that is laden with, "you better do as I say because I gave you jewelery/spa treatments/oranges".
Don't get me wrong, it could be genuine affection! But it's the wrong kind of affection when there are strings attached. If it gets to that point, talk it out. And if even that fails, time to bail. Usually, it stops there. However, if it becomes a point when he CONTROLS you with these gifts, it's a sign of abuse about to happen. Abusers use psychological manipulation through guilt, control you, restrain your free will, and isolate you from your friends. When it becomes this point, LEAVE. You're better than this.
2.) The Low-Self Esteem Type
I'm actually guilty of being this type once. Thankfully, therapy and my refusal to use drugs has kept me a happy adult. This type of person seeks constant validation, in which was spawned from the lack of esteem building during their younger years. They will fish compliments and approval from you. Do you know that guy, the guy that smothers you with attention all the time? That's because he wants to make you feel special so YOU want to make him feel special. Trippy, isn't it?
THAT guy was me.
So here's the deal. You have nothing to do with his low self esteem. It is not your responsibility to build it. This guy is an adult and is very capable in learning to build their esteem. But most of all, this guy is NOT READY to be in a relationship. He's still going to be miserable with or without you, so why deal with the baggage?
The trick in dealing with this kind of guy is to kindly point him to resources in building his esteem. Therapy helps a lot, and if that's not affordable, teach him the value of self compliments. If helping him is not your cup of tea, then break up with him GENTLY. For the love of God, don't lie to him. But look at him in the eye and say things like:
"You're very sweet, but I think you can be so much more if you saw how beautiful you are. Maybe we'll be ready for each other in the future."
...or some derivative. But the point is to remind him how great he is, but it's his own self-image that limits the prospects of the relationship. Tell him that (politely) to see the epic person that he is, and place hope for a better relationship later.
3.) The Emotionally Unavailable/Distant One
Wooo! I was attracted to this type since day one! I have not a clue why, but I know this:
This is the type that doesn't call you, spend time with you, open up his world to you, and keeps you from emotional intimacy. There are many reasons why this kind of guy does not even give you the time of day, but it's usually out of a very busy life or fear of commitment.
Sometimes, this is a tactic in which he manipulates you into worshiping the ground he walks on. You turn into a mass of groveling the MOMENT he gives the most miniscule amount of attention. By then, you're putty in his hands.
Tactics. How do you get yourself out of this? Let's face it, you're a person of considerable esteem and you don't give two fucks about anyone who ignores you. So why build his ego?
The best way, move the fuck on. He doesn't give a fuck about you, so why waste your time?
4.) The Passive-Agressive Type
For the love of holy fuck dickery, don't date this type. Avoiding this person is easier said than done though, so here are the signs:
He often doesn't address his own feelings when you argue. Emotionally healthy people use statements like, "I'm angry at you because you threw the cat into the garbage disposal." and "I'm feeling to angry to argue right now, can we go over this later?"
Hey, you know that feeling you're getting right now? It's called, fulfillment. Full-fucking-fillment. Of a healthy relationship! Because, you know, you know what he's feeling so you can focus on working our the relationship problems.
However, this is often not the case with the passive-aggressive type. He avoids every kind of conflict, fearing things would get worse when arguing over the shredded cat flesh that's now flowing through your plumbing. And when he has a problem with you in the relationship, he tells you what's wrong when he fucking breaks up with you. Sometimes, not at all!
After that, you are left with this empty void that could be filled with constant romantic comedy movies and ice cream. You know what's worse?
You're left with more questions about what happened than answers.
That's right, this shit will plague you non-stop for years unless you let it go. Kinda like Indiana Jones and that blasted Jesus Christ Cup in The Last Crusade.
You're sick of his bullshit and lies of "I don't know what you're talking about, I'm just loudly vacuuming while you're talking with your friends on your cellphone". So what do you do after telling him that this passive crap is not cute anymore?
You end it. On your terms.
It's not just that, you tell him why. Tell him that his passive-aggressive bullshit is straining the relationship and you want someone who is open, honest, and calm about his feelings and conflicts. You break up the right way. In person. Take it like a champ!
5.) The Baggage Handler
He's cute, he's sweet, he's built like a Mobile Suit Gundam. In bed.
Abso-fucking-lutely adorable.
He's even open with his feelings unlike the passive-aggressive one you dated weeks ago. A little too much. He tells you about all of his previous ex-girlfriends and how they screwed him over, how his mom didn't praise him for being the star-football MVP back in high school, or the pity party he threw for his birthday was a flop last week.
This is an obvious one. It's the incessant avoidance of dealing with his feelings that's driving you crazy. Behavior patterns of this type are mostly about the stubbornness of dealing with their emotions. Thoughts like, "I'm going to let this go" do not even occur with this type. Overall, he wants your validation. It's so you build him up, so he doesn't have to. It's a guilt trip, wrapped in shame, dusted with fear, and served on a plate of laziness.
How to end it:
Be blunt. Tell him that you're sick of his shit, and you're ending it because of his incessant whining isn't good for "us". He will eventually get it. I did.
6.) The " I Like Asian " Type
It's not just Asians. It could be "Black", "Latino" (hot!), "Lebanese", the list goes fucking on. This type has a damn obsession with whatever he's into. Not that I have a problem with this, it becomes a problem when it's the only reason why he's talking to you.
Let's face it, you're more than just the ethnicity or whatever the fuck he's into. You could be funny, intelligent, or even a great cook (sandwiches!). But it's not the reason he's into you, and it's getting creepy. Exceptions can be made if he's genuine in his interest about your culture or lifestyle. And what's better, if he wants to know you as the person and the details.
Generally, you can avoid this type easily like AIDS, with a condom. Made of self-respect. However, if you're dating this guy, you can break up with him without any feelings of remorse. If you're sick of his shit, again, the best way is to say that "it's over and here's why". Clean break.
7.) The Gold Digger Type
Oh man, this one's sickening. This type only dates you for one thing and one thing only. Money. Power. Your super-charged robot dick. Some shallow reason. He wants stuff that's just physical. So how do you figure out if the person is indeed this type?
Cut his ass off.
And watch the fireworks fly. If there isn't some emotional explosion or him dumping you for some bullshit reason, then congratulations! He's not a gold digging prick! But what if you're already dating a gold digger?
End the relationship. Break up along the lines of, "I'm getting the feeling that you're not dating me, just my money/power/robot dick, so I'm ending this". Hell, use those exact words. It's worth a laugh. I dare you, break up with him over your robot dick.
Well, that's usually the case. Things go great short-term, but either you lost what leftover magic you had with him or he lost that magic with you. Sure, you think you can come up of ways to rekindle the love, but it doesn't work.
Don't get me wrong, it usually does work. If there aren't any long-term psychological problems with that guy, it would. But let's be honest here, you're too in love with that person to notice the problems that would later grow to plague your love life.
Let's identify the long-term problems of relationships and the types of people who will be more of a detriment to you. Also, plans to either stick it out, or bail. So let's get started!
Disclaimer: Interchange "his" to "her" according to your situation.
1.) The Possessive Type
You know the drill. He loves you, cares for you, showers you with gifts, and calls you all the time. A little TOO much, actually. He calls you every waking moment, he gives you too many gifts, and ALL the time he says loves you. At this point, even YOU want to make him stop! Behind this "affection" though, is a guilt trip. A guilt trip that is laden with, "you better do as I say because I gave you jewelery/spa treatments/oranges".
Don't get me wrong, it could be genuine affection! But it's the wrong kind of affection when there are strings attached. If it gets to that point, talk it out. And if even that fails, time to bail. Usually, it stops there. However, if it becomes a point when he CONTROLS you with these gifts, it's a sign of abuse about to happen. Abusers use psychological manipulation through guilt, control you, restrain your free will, and isolate you from your friends. When it becomes this point, LEAVE. You're better than this.
2.) The Low-Self Esteem Type
I'm actually guilty of being this type once. Thankfully, therapy and my refusal to use drugs has kept me a happy adult. This type of person seeks constant validation, in which was spawned from the lack of esteem building during their younger years. They will fish compliments and approval from you. Do you know that guy, the guy that smothers you with attention all the time? That's because he wants to make you feel special so YOU want to make him feel special. Trippy, isn't it?
THAT guy was me.
So here's the deal. You have nothing to do with his low self esteem. It is not your responsibility to build it. This guy is an adult and is very capable in learning to build their esteem. But most of all, this guy is NOT READY to be in a relationship. He's still going to be miserable with or without you, so why deal with the baggage?
The trick in dealing with this kind of guy is to kindly point him to resources in building his esteem. Therapy helps a lot, and if that's not affordable, teach him the value of self compliments. If helping him is not your cup of tea, then break up with him GENTLY. For the love of God, don't lie to him. But look at him in the eye and say things like:
"You're very sweet, but I think you can be so much more if you saw how beautiful you are. Maybe we'll be ready for each other in the future."
...or some derivative. But the point is to remind him how great he is, but it's his own self-image that limits the prospects of the relationship. Tell him that (politely) to see the epic person that he is, and place hope for a better relationship later.
3.) The Emotionally Unavailable/Distant One
Wooo! I was attracted to this type since day one! I have not a clue why, but I know this:
This is the type that doesn't call you, spend time with you, open up his world to you, and keeps you from emotional intimacy. There are many reasons why this kind of guy does not even give you the time of day, but it's usually out of a very busy life or fear of commitment.
Sometimes, this is a tactic in which he manipulates you into worshiping the ground he walks on. You turn into a mass of groveling the MOMENT he gives the most miniscule amount of attention. By then, you're putty in his hands.
Tactics. How do you get yourself out of this? Let's face it, you're a person of considerable esteem and you don't give two fucks about anyone who ignores you. So why build his ego?
The best way, move the fuck on. He doesn't give a fuck about you, so why waste your time?
4.) The Passive-Agressive Type
For the love of holy fuck dickery, don't date this type. Avoiding this person is easier said than done though, so here are the signs:
He often doesn't address his own feelings when you argue. Emotionally healthy people use statements like, "I'm angry at you because you threw the cat into the garbage disposal." and "I'm feeling to angry to argue right now, can we go over this later?"
Hey, you know that feeling you're getting right now? It's called, fulfillment. Full-fucking-fillment. Of a healthy relationship! Because, you know, you know what he's feeling so you can focus on working our the relationship problems.
However, this is often not the case with the passive-aggressive type. He avoids every kind of conflict, fearing things would get worse when arguing over the shredded cat flesh that's now flowing through your plumbing. And when he has a problem with you in the relationship, he tells you what's wrong when he fucking breaks up with you. Sometimes, not at all!
After that, you are left with this empty void that could be filled with constant romantic comedy movies and ice cream. You know what's worse?
You're left with more questions about what happened than answers.
That's right, this shit will plague you non-stop for years unless you let it go. Kinda like Indiana Jones and that blasted Jesus Christ Cup in The Last Crusade.
You're sick of his bullshit and lies of "I don't know what you're talking about, I'm just loudly vacuuming while you're talking with your friends on your cellphone". So what do you do after telling him that this passive crap is not cute anymore?
You end it. On your terms.
It's not just that, you tell him why. Tell him that his passive-aggressive bullshit is straining the relationship and you want someone who is open, honest, and calm about his feelings and conflicts. You break up the right way. In person. Take it like a champ!
5.) The Baggage Handler
He's cute, he's sweet, he's built like a Mobile Suit Gundam. In bed.
Abso-fucking-lutely adorable.
He's even open with his feelings unlike the passive-aggressive one you dated weeks ago. A little too much. He tells you about all of his previous ex-girlfriends and how they screwed him over, how his mom didn't praise him for being the star-football MVP back in high school, or the pity party he threw for his birthday was a flop last week.
This is an obvious one. It's the incessant avoidance of dealing with his feelings that's driving you crazy. Behavior patterns of this type are mostly about the stubbornness of dealing with their emotions. Thoughts like, "I'm going to let this go" do not even occur with this type. Overall, he wants your validation. It's so you build him up, so he doesn't have to. It's a guilt trip, wrapped in shame, dusted with fear, and served on a plate of laziness.
How to end it:
Be blunt. Tell him that you're sick of his shit, and you're ending it because of his incessant whining isn't good for "us". He will eventually get it. I did.
6.) The " I Like Asian " Type
It's not just Asians. It could be "Black", "Latino" (hot!), "Lebanese", the list goes fucking on. This type has a damn obsession with whatever he's into. Not that I have a problem with this, it becomes a problem when it's the only reason why he's talking to you.
Let's face it, you're more than just the ethnicity or whatever the fuck he's into. You could be funny, intelligent, or even a great cook (sandwiches!). But it's not the reason he's into you, and it's getting creepy. Exceptions can be made if he's genuine in his interest about your culture or lifestyle. And what's better, if he wants to know you as the person and the details.
Generally, you can avoid this type easily like AIDS, with a condom. Made of self-respect. However, if you're dating this guy, you can break up with him without any feelings of remorse. If you're sick of his shit, again, the best way is to say that "it's over and here's why". Clean break.
7.) The Gold Digger Type
Oh man, this one's sickening. This type only dates you for one thing and one thing only. Money. Power. Your super-charged robot dick. Some shallow reason. He wants stuff that's just physical. So how do you figure out if the person is indeed this type?
Cut his ass off.
And watch the fireworks fly. If there isn't some emotional explosion or him dumping you for some bullshit reason, then congratulations! He's not a gold digging prick! But what if you're already dating a gold digger?
End the relationship. Break up along the lines of, "I'm getting the feeling that you're not dating me, just my money/power/robot dick, so I'm ending this". Hell, use those exact words. It's worth a laugh. I dare you, break up with him over your robot dick.
