no one's gonna read this, since I dont have any followers cept my mate. but he prolly already knows all this. this is just venting. I need to write this............ Life... is not good right now. It was awesome. really really awesome, mainly do to my mate. but now.... I cant stand life. I'm roughly 47,000 dollars in debt. more than I stand to make in my lifetime right now. I stopped going to one of my classes in my first semester of college, and now I owe all that moeny back because the goverment says sos. I owe about 40,000 of that in med bills I will never be able to pay back. I will very soon be homeless, as my wonderful parents will be kicking me out jan. 1st. Merry fucking christmas to me. My car is slow dying. I'm not supposed to even drive because my license is suspended. nAnother 300 dollars. I cant complete college now. oh god.... I'm going to be one of those 80 year old crazy cat ladies flipping burgers , being all pathatic in your local mcdonalds. my worst fear, well one of two, coming true. ............ I give up. I dont know what to do anymore. I fucking fail at everything. I have no redeeming quality to my life, except me mate. If it wasnt for him, I'd probably be downing one of those lovely various bottles of meds downstairs in my parents cabnit, and saying goodbye gracie........... And who knows? Maybe he'll get tired or me and all my stupid selfish bullshit. That's my number 1 fear. To lose my mate. My Wolfy. god damnit, I love him. And of course he has to live over 700 miles away. because nothing in my life can be easy for once, can it? fuck. me. gentle. with. a. chainsaw!......... I'm tired. there's bone tired, then marrow tired, what comes after that? ? Life tired? y