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2012
14 years ago
The last year, no, the last two months have been one of my worst in my life. Bad news coming down, lack of sleep, worrying like there was no tomorrow, dreams were shattered in pieces, life would just laugh at me, and finally giving up. I got myself caught in many things, at the same time. Just like if a building was bombed, and if I were inside still, everything was falling on me.
Family getting sick, issues with jobs, endless disputes with my family.
I did terrible things, to people that matter to me, people who I loved, love so much, and now I'm forced by no one else, but myself to keep my distance. I feel not really happy, but not really sad anymore. I believe now that I was trying to find something else, nostalgia, trying to live in the past, that couldn't let me see what I had, even though I knew what exactly I had. I managed to sabotaged myself once again.
And I don't think this is over, now that 2012 is beginning, I've been thinking. The mayan prophecies explain that humankind will face the end of a era, and a new beginning would start for us in this year, however it explains that before this new era comes to us, we will face wars, not among us, but within us. We'll be force to take decisions for us, to either remain in the past or move forward to the new era.
This new era is mostly just the next step of evolution of human kind, not a physical evolution, but a mental one, along with special abilities. Where human kind will finally grow up, and become one with everyone else.
My goals for new year. Currently I'm shattered, in too many ways. My plans were ripped from me, I had to made sacrifices and trust was broken. My future was erased before my own eyes, and my life seems to escape through my fingers. And while I've acquire the death's touch if hurting anything, and anyone who I touch by the deadly poison that's running through my veins. Hatred, fear.
My goal right now is to give sometime for things to heal inside of me as I disconnect myself from my feelings, emotions while I drown myself in some work and study time. Then I'll figure it out somehow how to fix myself.
Family getting sick, issues with jobs, endless disputes with my family.
I did terrible things, to people that matter to me, people who I loved, love so much, and now I'm forced by no one else, but myself to keep my distance. I feel not really happy, but not really sad anymore. I believe now that I was trying to find something else, nostalgia, trying to live in the past, that couldn't let me see what I had, even though I knew what exactly I had. I managed to sabotaged myself once again.
And I don't think this is over, now that 2012 is beginning, I've been thinking. The mayan prophecies explain that humankind will face the end of a era, and a new beginning would start for us in this year, however it explains that before this new era comes to us, we will face wars, not among us, but within us. We'll be force to take decisions for us, to either remain in the past or move forward to the new era.
This new era is mostly just the next step of evolution of human kind, not a physical evolution, but a mental one, along with special abilities. Where human kind will finally grow up, and become one with everyone else.
My goals for new year. Currently I'm shattered, in too many ways. My plans were ripped from me, I had to made sacrifices and trust was broken. My future was erased before my own eyes, and my life seems to escape through my fingers. And while I've acquire the death's touch if hurting anything, and anyone who I touch by the deadly poison that's running through my veins. Hatred, fear.
My goal right now is to give sometime for things to heal inside of me as I disconnect myself from my feelings, emotions while I drown myself in some work and study time. Then I'll figure it out somehow how to fix myself.
Sure, somethings didn't work out the way you wished, due to mistakes, or .. something, as I do not know exactly what happened where, and with whom. But I still look to you as a very good friend, and I want you to know that if you should need anything, I'm here for you..
However. I am a dragonKITTEH! not a dragonFEESH! <3
On a serious note, we all have had years that have broken us only to find out there was something else we needed to find. A friend uploaded a letter i wrote to all of my friends, family, and coworkers one year. I thought I had lost everything and all my future plans were gone....but then I discovered what I had had all along ad what I had gained through my loss. Best thing I gained was Angles. She be my best friend now, though neither of us have time to talk much anymore...but when we get together its like we aint been apart You may have had many things lost and things go wrong, but always remember what good happened in the end adn hold on to it. Especially in sad times like you got now with family.
I think that in a realistic sense that it'll happen like that, like that saying "the day is darkest before the dawn".
With these hardships you'll get a clean slate and everything will seem much better C:
I just hope things get better for you!