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update on the last stupid update
14 years ago
General
"As below so above and beyond I imagine,
drawn beyond the lines of reason."
TOOL, Lateralus
drawn beyond the lines of reason."
TOOL, Lateralus
okay so I've done some thinking, and I've been planning on posting this for the past few days just I'm lazy.
To straighten things out, there were none emotional reasons for closing this account. For starters, I have four different characters I go by, and it has been bugging me that only one of them is represented on FA. I thought about maing an account for each but that's just too fricken chaotic and confusing. It's too much effort and not worth it. I also had been wanting a bit of a fresh start on FA, for reasons I'm not entirely sure of. I had been toying with the idea of a new FA for a while.However, I did have a bit of an emotional and mental collapse. I can hold them off for a while or as long as possible but when they happen they can be pretty bad. I have a tendency to burn everything around me to the ground. It's a form of self destruction. I want to see myself suffer and hurt myself so I implode. I wouldn't cut or do anything physical. I'm all about the mental anguish, hating myself and trying to force others to hate me.
Yes, I know this is kinda sick. It's a disease, and I know it's unhealthy. Trust me I'm so fucking sick of this anxiety/ depression. Often times it feels like an alter ego, or something living in me. I want it out of me. I'm tired of it taking control. It's not just so simple as "being happy now it's gone." I'm actively seeking help for this. I'm wanting to go back on my medication but I'm not sure how. I don't have insurance and I cant afford the meds on my own. But, I am trying.
With all the emo whiny crying crap out of the way this is what's going to happen with the two accounts. This and the other account wills till remain active. After thinking, it doesn't make much sense to me to throw this account away. For STarters, I don't feel like moving 1200 + watches over to the new account. Secondly I don't want to just abandon the handful of watchers I have. I don't know why you guys watch me, but I'm thankful and you guys are awesome.
Lastly, It just didn't make sense to me. Out of the four characters I'm most commonly known as lilfire or Panda. He was my first, and even though I've thought about giving him the boot, I can't. Also, just about just about everything I turn out is signed as Lilfire Panda.
What I'm going to do is keep this as my primary, while the other account will remain a gift art (if there ever is any) and commission account for the other three. Anything relating to Stardust, Pari Mew, or Annun will go there.
As for the new YIm. Yeah still didn't work I have a different YIM account I've been trying to get going but its too difficult to try and move everyone over there with me. AS I said this is a security thing. My mother tried doing online dating. There was one man that she liked and got close to. He turned out to be be a hacker/scam artist/ stalker. In the time of dating my mother he managed to get a bunch of personal information from my family And I as well as our passwords and accounts.He then used this information to stalk cam and abuse other women. Needless to say I'm not crazy about my YIM account anymore because it feels like a giant security hole. Everyone I talk to though is on there though so it's not as easy as moving.
anyways hope this clears some things up.
-panda
To straighten things out, there were none emotional reasons for closing this account. For starters, I have four different characters I go by, and it has been bugging me that only one of them is represented on FA. I thought about maing an account for each but that's just too fricken chaotic and confusing. It's too much effort and not worth it. I also had been wanting a bit of a fresh start on FA, for reasons I'm not entirely sure of. I had been toying with the idea of a new FA for a while.However, I did have a bit of an emotional and mental collapse. I can hold them off for a while or as long as possible but when they happen they can be pretty bad. I have a tendency to burn everything around me to the ground. It's a form of self destruction. I want to see myself suffer and hurt myself so I implode. I wouldn't cut or do anything physical. I'm all about the mental anguish, hating myself and trying to force others to hate me.
Yes, I know this is kinda sick. It's a disease, and I know it's unhealthy. Trust me I'm so fucking sick of this anxiety/ depression. Often times it feels like an alter ego, or something living in me. I want it out of me. I'm tired of it taking control. It's not just so simple as "being happy now it's gone." I'm actively seeking help for this. I'm wanting to go back on my medication but I'm not sure how. I don't have insurance and I cant afford the meds on my own. But, I am trying.
With all the emo whiny crying crap out of the way this is what's going to happen with the two accounts. This and the other account wills till remain active. After thinking, it doesn't make much sense to me to throw this account away. For STarters, I don't feel like moving 1200 + watches over to the new account. Secondly I don't want to just abandon the handful of watchers I have. I don't know why you guys watch me, but I'm thankful and you guys are awesome.
Lastly, It just didn't make sense to me. Out of the four characters I'm most commonly known as lilfire or Panda. He was my first, and even though I've thought about giving him the boot, I can't. Also, just about just about everything I turn out is signed as Lilfire Panda.
What I'm going to do is keep this as my primary, while the other account will remain a gift art (if there ever is any) and commission account for the other three. Anything relating to Stardust, Pari Mew, or Annun will go there.
As for the new YIm. Yeah still didn't work I have a different YIM account I've been trying to get going but its too difficult to try and move everyone over there with me. AS I said this is a security thing. My mother tried doing online dating. There was one man that she liked and got close to. He turned out to be be a hacker/scam artist/ stalker. In the time of dating my mother he managed to get a bunch of personal information from my family And I as well as our passwords and accounts.He then used this information to stalk cam and abuse other women. Needless to say I'm not crazy about my YIM account anymore because it feels like a giant security hole. Everyone I talk to though is on there though so it's not as easy as moving.
anyways hope this clears some things up.
-panda
