im not really one to make these kinds of journals. But I figure nobodies reads mine anyway so who cares? I'm probobly not gonna make much sence anyway.

I'm sick and tired of feeling alone. It seems that every time I cultivate a friendship it always withers and dies. I can understand that sometimes life just happens and friendships end. It's inevitable, but it seems to happen to me every single time I get close to somebody. I've never been able to gain a large circle of friends no matter how hard i try. Heck the number of friends I have online (real friends, not that stupid little number you see on peoples facebook or whatever) Far outwieghs the number I have in real life. How sad is that?
Even the friends I do have just seem so distant from me. The ones I know online either don't log in very often, or at all anymore, or when they do I can never seem to get a good dialouge going. I understand that people are busy and all that, I really do. But it just depresses me that the most i can get out of any of em is 1 reply every half-hour or so. The ones I know in real life I have a similer problem with. We can never get together and do anything.
We used to have a thing we called "taco friday" whered we'd all get together every friday. We'd get something to eat, not always tacos, go to whoevers house and hang out. Most times play a game of some sort. But wouldn't you know it? I never got to go to those very often due to work, back when i worked at kfc still, never giving me a friday off. Oh they would always give me 3 or 4 days off every other week but never a freaken friday. no matter how many times i asked. When it FINALLY seemed i was starting to get to go to em on a semi-reguler basis it ended. One of the group moved away to another state, 2 of em im still not sure what happened to. There still around but im pretty sure they started having some money issues. and The last one's job got in the way. And so I haven't seen many of these guys in person in a long time.
To top all this off I can never seem to find a gal interested in me. I have not been on a single date.....ever. And trust me it's not from lack of trying. It's always the same freaken story too. We'll get to talkin and they seem to genuinly like me, talking about how they "wish they could find a guy like me", and how "any girl would be lucky to have me". But when it comes to actually asking them out It's always "Sorry your not my type." or something like that.
Everywhere i go i see friends hanging out, people on dates, couples acting like couples, and so on. Why can't I have that? I feel like im all alone in a giant empty room, looking out threw the windows at all the people having a good time with those they know and love. Like My only communication is with a small handfull of people I have to shout threw a wall to talk too, but there not always there. Like nobody is even trying to get me out...