First off, I'm not one to usually admit I'm jealous of something. But when you look at your life as one big picture, you realize the situation you're in. Currently I still live with my parents, in a small town with about 600 people. I have 2 Real-life friends, and that's it. I don't socialize with anyone else. I feel like I'm living in a cave, and somewhat I am. My bedroom is a small 1-windowed extension to my house off the kitchen. I have 3 outside walls and no insulation, so it gets VERY cold in the winter. So basically the room is cold and dark, like a cave.
Anyways, continuing on about my depressing life, I've never had a real-life mate. (Girlfriend or Boyfriend) I do have a girlfriend currently, but she lives all the way in Cali, and the only way I can interact with her is through Skype. Mentally I'm still a virgin. I've had sex once, but because of some things, I have no memory of it. I've never been to any parties, events, conventions, etc. with friends. I'm a DJ but I've never been to a dance club, or any event that has even ever had electronic music. Basically, I've been forced to be anti-social, and live a boring life. Even now, I seem like I'm ignored whenever I try and be noticed. I see, on many sites including this one, people going to events, hanging out with friends, partying, and having fun. And i've never got to experience that. All i do everyday is the same thing. Get up, grab some food, sit my ass in front of my laptop, browse the net for hours, go to my friends to do the same boring thing, come home, eat something else, and sit on the laptop for hours again, then go to sleep. This is what i do every day.
And now finally to what I made this journal about. I have a friend online who I'm very close to. He doesn't really realize how much I feel connected to him, but hes one of the few people ive met online that i can say that about. Anyways, hes basically been in the same situation as me, and we could identify with each other. But just this last week, he was able to go to FurCon, and he was super nervous about it. seeing him being able to go to FC struck me more then I expected. We were 2 people who shared the same situations, were basically in this together, and now he was able to have the time of his life, living out many fantasies, and overall having fun, while all i got to do is the everyday schedule, sitting on my ass in front of my laptop in my cold ass room freezing and feeling lonely. I see myself sitting in my little cave, watching my life go by, while all these other lucky people in the world get to go out and have the greatest time. This may just be an emotional phase, but im very depressed because of this. I wish i can go back in time and relive my life, because so far it seems ive wasted 20 years.