Seriously... there's clearly something up. I was on my way home from class, when i just got dragged into one of the darkest of places i've been emotionally in i don't even know how long. I don't come forwards for help easily... and generally speaking i go to a very select few people when i start getting a little off. Anyways, back to the blargh... i was about halfway home, and i just lost it. Had to pull over to the side of the road and lay down for a bit before i felt okay enough to drive.

Once i got home, i flopped into bed, curled into a ball, and just utterly broke down. I honestly haven't felt this dark in years. I haven't felt soo utterly worthless, unloved and just useless in i don't know how long. The latest time i recall put me on a 6 week binge of life-numbing self indulgence that gave me just enough cheap highs to keep me from doing anything truly damaging or permanent. But.... honestly... i just... i don't know.

I think the closest i can explain is that... i feel like my life was heading somewhere... then suddenly... stopped, and dropped me in the middle of the ocean... and no matter what i do... i'm lost, cold, alone, and just barely keeping myself afloat. It's like, all the good feelings and good vibes just left... and all i feel is cold, resentment, anger and loneliness.

I don't come out often because i don't get this way. I'm always the one to help people when they feel weh, i'm always the pillar of stability. Today, i think i just felt that all crack. I don't know what triggered it... maybe just the dark weather, i dunno... i'm just... i think i need to drop off the face of the earth for a bit. I dunno... maybe i'll be around, maybe i won't... If you see me around, don't try and push me... this is where my darker side tends to come out... and if i happen to be unusually vicious when biting back, i can't say you weren't warn.



TL:DR Something cold and dark is kicking my ass, and i'll probably be reclusive as fuck.

~Lisky