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How are you supposed to "deal with" grief?
13 years ago
Yesterday was Athus's birthday, and I spent it hanging out with Sema at the BD shop. We came back from FC on Tuesday, and I took an extra day off as a "decompression day", which just so happened to be his birthday.
I really don't feel much in terms of emotions, so when this whole thing happened 3 months ago, I only really felt numb for a couple of days. Within a week or two I felt "okay"-ish. The only real feeling I had was guilt that I was not as outwardly expressive as other people. I don't miss Athus any less, I just am incapable of feeling or understanding the correct emotions.
Right after it happened, I did go through my own sort of grieving process by making that plushie for his mom. It seemed cathartic enough to help put it all behind me, but after last night, I feel like I'm right back where I started.
Seeing how upset everyone was yesterday just reopened that wound that I thought was scarring over. I was thinking about it on the ride home last night, and I described it to Sema as "a shelf".
You know how some people "put their feelings in a box" or a "closet"? I put all of my painful emotions on a shelf. Everything I experience is in plain view in my mind, but over time, as I let them sit there, they gather dust and cobwebs, and slowly become irrelevant or faded. Sometimes I put too much on the shelf and it collapses. However, last night was something different: the shelf was dusted- it's as if I had just put it there yesterday.
I was in kind of a funk/haze all last night, and this morning that emotional numbness came back that happened right after this all started. Sema explained to me that it meant that I had never "dealt with" the loss, just ignored it.
But I just don't understand, what am I supposed to do? Emotions are completely foreign to me due to my AS (superpowers), so the only thing I know TO do is work around it like an obstacle on a go-kart track- every time I come across it, all I have to do is dodge.
What do "normal" people do? Maybe this is something I'm going to have to bring up in therapy tomorrow. :/
(crossposted to livejournal)
I really don't feel much in terms of emotions, so when this whole thing happened 3 months ago, I only really felt numb for a couple of days. Within a week or two I felt "okay"-ish. The only real feeling I had was guilt that I was not as outwardly expressive as other people. I don't miss Athus any less, I just am incapable of feeling or understanding the correct emotions.
Right after it happened, I did go through my own sort of grieving process by making that plushie for his mom. It seemed cathartic enough to help put it all behind me, but after last night, I feel like I'm right back where I started.
Seeing how upset everyone was yesterday just reopened that wound that I thought was scarring over. I was thinking about it on the ride home last night, and I described it to Sema as "a shelf".
You know how some people "put their feelings in a box" or a "closet"? I put all of my painful emotions on a shelf. Everything I experience is in plain view in my mind, but over time, as I let them sit there, they gather dust and cobwebs, and slowly become irrelevant or faded. Sometimes I put too much on the shelf and it collapses. However, last night was something different: the shelf was dusted- it's as if I had just put it there yesterday.
I was in kind of a funk/haze all last night, and this morning that emotional numbness came back that happened right after this all started. Sema explained to me that it meant that I had never "dealt with" the loss, just ignored it.
But I just don't understand, what am I supposed to do? Emotions are completely foreign to me due to my AS (superpowers), so the only thing I know TO do is work around it like an obstacle on a go-kart track- every time I come across it, all I have to do is dodge.
What do "normal" people do? Maybe this is something I'm going to have to bring up in therapy tomorrow. :/
(crossposted to livejournal)
I know that the first thing you feel like you should do is put the feelings on the shelf, but maybe holding them and taking them around with you and interacting with them instead of putting them up will do ya some good. It's going to be a painful and sad process, and the scars will be wide open, but that's okay. It's supposed to be like that and the sadness won't last forever! I'm sure you miss your friend just as much as everyone else does, and you are doing the best you can to overcome this hard time.
I wish you the best of luck. Death is hard to overcome the pain.
I can see why people would be sad. I mean, death isn't a good thing, but at least if it were me, I wouldn't want people to be sad. Life goes on. If you don't care, then you don't care. That's not going to make the world explode. You're not a bad person if you're not one of the millions still upset. Just do what comes, and embrace whatever emotions you feel.
lol again, this is probably useless, but that's just my 2sense *huggs* =3
Not sure if anything I said is useful.
Talk to family, talk to friends, do something you enjoy or the both of you enjoyed, do whatever you feel like is necessary in order to deal with the grief cause the pain will continue to hound you until you manage to deal with it.
Being less extravert doesn't mean you care less but humans have had a history to rely on very visible emotions. I.e: to some, (or most), not visible feeling distressed mean you get no feeling. It's hard for most to understand that it is not true.
The two recent events happened very close to each other. What happened in my opinion is that they piled up in your box but there was not enough place to fit them both and your safety valve wasn't able to handle the pressure.
Just take the time you need, is all I can say. And enjoy life, the best memories are the ones we smile upon!