I guess sometimes in life it takes just enough BS to happen just so we realise the other choices and ideas we're scared to admit or knows where those choices lead. I been sitting around laughing and giggling when outside with the few friends i have but without noticing I quickly changed when i get home. I even when as far to join club after club just to what i keep telling myself was just "keeping busy" but now I see that isn't wasn't just to keep busy it's because I'm too scared to face my dad. And that fears been eating at me for far too long now. I don't wanna place blame but I think this is why I'm so nervous around people cause I'm scared that someone is gonna act like how my dad is.I never was this way when my mom was around and I'm sure where ever she is watching me far. Would want me to happy and joyful and for the right reasons not just cause I'm away from my dad. He changed me in other ways to I'm normally hardly ever angry or hit friends unless its meant as a joke but some friends said they think my punch or shove had some power behind it and even cursing out one of my best friends out off nowhere after he said one little joke . I don't want to hurt my friends and don't want to lose them either the few I have are very nice and accepting of me and my weird self and I love them all and I'm gonna take a leap of faith to see if me and my dad can do counseling or have a real good talk 1 on 1 and get all this bad blood out of our systems. I understand this might end up good or bad but it's time I took a chance and change this hate before I cut my dad out my life forever.
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Sorry that might been a bit depressing but I just wanted to get that off my chest and need to vent a little.

Thanks for listening and any comments of support would mean a lot