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2012 has a bad start
13 years ago
So it has become known to me by my roommate that she has been lying to me behind my back about what her intentions have been for the last year or so, and that our involvement/relationship has come to an unfortunate end, at least on her side. She's called our relationship off and given me my eviction notice, more or less. I have till June to clear out.
This comes at a total surprise as she hit me with this after having gone to a 'friend's house' for some unknown reason for the weekend, refused to come back the night she'd left, and didn't show back up here at the house till mid-afternoon when she said she was on her way back mid-morning. The house was only an hour (or so) away.
If there's one thing someone should never do to me, it's lie. She told me she'd been dating for the last few months (at least), when every time I asked what she was going out to do, she answered with "Hanging out with new friends". Making friends and hanging out with them is not the same as dating with intentions of making a relationship. Lying to me is the most painful thing someone can do to me other than actually physically harming me or walking away from me.
Oh, and did I mention that she had increased how often she said "I love you" during the last few months too? The last time she said those three words was two days before she made this nut-shot of an announcement to me, saying "Whatever happens, remember that I love you." I was having some weird worries and made the remark that people do some fucked up shit in the name of love sometimes. Wow, how right I was.
So she does this and gives me till June to find somewhere else to live.
I have no income. I have no ability to get one either due to the anxiety/panic attacks that have riddled me for a while now. Working on getting disability. This doesn't help either. My hands are shaking, I can't think straight and it's like something broke inside of me and I know I want to cry my eyes out yet there's a numbness that's holding it away from me. I know that'll pass and the emotion will crash, I just don't know when. On top of all that I can't control the attacks now, even when I try to do breathing exercises or lay down. Even sleep last night, as terrible as it was, didn't help stop it.
I have no specific place I can fall back on. Thanks to my rusting ability to be social with others, I have few friends and fewer options. She knows this too. I also know her. She'll shove me out the door even if I don't have a place to go.
I really don't like this year already. I want a recount.
I don't seem to have very good luck with women, and this last one adds to that tally in favor of choices that went South.
Glad I stopped smoking a long time ago. I would've gone through two packs in the last 12 hours, I guarantee.
I'm also proud of myself for not really flaming on her. Much as I could, I just don't see that effort of typing really being worth it. I just hope I figure out what to do next. After I calm down, any way. It's not easy to type when your hands are shaking.
This comes at a total surprise as she hit me with this after having gone to a 'friend's house' for some unknown reason for the weekend, refused to come back the night she'd left, and didn't show back up here at the house till mid-afternoon when she said she was on her way back mid-morning. The house was only an hour (or so) away.
If there's one thing someone should never do to me, it's lie. She told me she'd been dating for the last few months (at least), when every time I asked what she was going out to do, she answered with "Hanging out with new friends". Making friends and hanging out with them is not the same as dating with intentions of making a relationship. Lying to me is the most painful thing someone can do to me other than actually physically harming me or walking away from me.
Oh, and did I mention that she had increased how often she said "I love you" during the last few months too? The last time she said those three words was two days before she made this nut-shot of an announcement to me, saying "Whatever happens, remember that I love you." I was having some weird worries and made the remark that people do some fucked up shit in the name of love sometimes. Wow, how right I was.
So she does this and gives me till June to find somewhere else to live.
I have no income. I have no ability to get one either due to the anxiety/panic attacks that have riddled me for a while now. Working on getting disability. This doesn't help either. My hands are shaking, I can't think straight and it's like something broke inside of me and I know I want to cry my eyes out yet there's a numbness that's holding it away from me. I know that'll pass and the emotion will crash, I just don't know when. On top of all that I can't control the attacks now, even when I try to do breathing exercises or lay down. Even sleep last night, as terrible as it was, didn't help stop it.
I have no specific place I can fall back on. Thanks to my rusting ability to be social with others, I have few friends and fewer options. She knows this too. I also know her. She'll shove me out the door even if I don't have a place to go.
I really don't like this year already. I want a recount.
I don't seem to have very good luck with women, and this last one adds to that tally in favor of choices that went South.
Glad I stopped smoking a long time ago. I would've gone through two packs in the last 12 hours, I guarantee.
I'm also proud of myself for not really flaming on her. Much as I could, I just don't see that effort of typing really being worth it. I just hope I figure out what to do next. After I calm down, any way. It's not easy to type when your hands are shaking.
