I think that's the best way to describe the way things are right now. I've been...just trying to stay in one piece, I guess. I've ceased most human contact, since it's just been...too hard to stay upright and keep moving. I don't have the energy to nuture friendships...I don't have the energy for other people's problems.

I try very hard to stay away from attracting pity. I'm not the sort who wants to like...project my negativity onto others. What's happening to me is me, and it isn't something anybody else can control.

But there's a part of it that...I just don't get. A part of it that never seems to change, it doesn't go away.

It's a place inside of me, where things just arent right. It's a reminder, a foggy flittering of just a few words, they come and go...I guess something like self-consciousness.

"Why are you broken?" Sums it up. That question.

Those who know me online know that I tend to be a cheerful, playful, emotionally open individual. I like making sunlight and sharing it with other people. I love it when others are happy.

But...something inside of me just...it's never been in harmony with the rest of me. And it does...so much damage, in a slow, subtle way.

Subtle enough that it's easy to hide. Very easy. But each one of those cracks that start to run through the inside of me...I can't hide it from myself. And it just...

It takes my own sunlight away.

*sigh* Worst of all, I'm just wondering if I made the right choice in severing a painful friendship...cause it left a massive hole behind.

This song suits my mood pretty well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgpwAzIrF-E