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Twisted Laughter
13 years ago
So I’m not sure why it bothers me so much that I’m cohabitating [not by choice] with a heterosexual, homophobic, judgmental person.
But it does, and there’s a part of me that feels bad I can’t just accept her intolerance and bigotry for the ignorance that it really represents. When she was expressing her disgust for Lesbian, Gay, and Supportive Sailors group we have on base, I was angry at once for her stance on the whole situation. Her view is essentially that because some gay groups bash Christians and there’s no ‘White Christian Support’ group, there should be no alternative lifestyle support group. I tried to keep my extremely volatile response to myself and mostly succeeded. She admitted that there is homophobia on this base but refuses to see how bad it is. To her, the leader of this support group calling for the people on this ship to stop ripping down their command sanctioned posters, is unnecessary and an example of how homosexuality is only possible because other people tolerate it.
It’s safe to say that I was not only furious with her for saying something like that, but also just outraged in general. Me being who I am, and because I’m suffering from a pathologically deep winter ennui, I decided to consider my feelings and journey inward. At least for a little bit. And the more I thought about it, the more I was sure that if I had been given the upbringing that my room mate had, I’d be like her. I would have the same perceptions. It’d be like looking into a twisted mirror and seeing myself laugh in the way that I sometimes laugh when I’m feeling self hatred and loathing. But on the other hand, it’s possible that she and I are separated by both our backgrounds, and the fact that I naturally seek to understand other people’s points of view.
She’s willing to stand firmly on the side of straight marriage only and Don’t ask don’t tell. Because the second the homosexuals in the Navy began to find their voice, and believe me, it wasn’t a loud obnoxious voice, it was just a, ‘Yes, I’m gay, is that a problem?’ voice, she freaked out. Maybe I’m just reading too much into her words and not thinking about ways I can learn to love and tolerate my bigoted room mate.
Or maybe I have a right to be angry and should resent her for the ignorant clueless bint that she is. It’s hard to say. Either way, I’m terrified by the thought of such a twisted reflection, and sad that I have to share the same space that she does.
But it does, and there’s a part of me that feels bad I can’t just accept her intolerance and bigotry for the ignorance that it really represents. When she was expressing her disgust for Lesbian, Gay, and Supportive Sailors group we have on base, I was angry at once for her stance on the whole situation. Her view is essentially that because some gay groups bash Christians and there’s no ‘White Christian Support’ group, there should be no alternative lifestyle support group. I tried to keep my extremely volatile response to myself and mostly succeeded. She admitted that there is homophobia on this base but refuses to see how bad it is. To her, the leader of this support group calling for the people on this ship to stop ripping down their command sanctioned posters, is unnecessary and an example of how homosexuality is only possible because other people tolerate it.
It’s safe to say that I was not only furious with her for saying something like that, but also just outraged in general. Me being who I am, and because I’m suffering from a pathologically deep winter ennui, I decided to consider my feelings and journey inward. At least for a little bit. And the more I thought about it, the more I was sure that if I had been given the upbringing that my room mate had, I’d be like her. I would have the same perceptions. It’d be like looking into a twisted mirror and seeing myself laugh in the way that I sometimes laugh when I’m feeling self hatred and loathing. But on the other hand, it’s possible that she and I are separated by both our backgrounds, and the fact that I naturally seek to understand other people’s points of view.
She’s willing to stand firmly on the side of straight marriage only and Don’t ask don’t tell. Because the second the homosexuals in the Navy began to find their voice, and believe me, it wasn’t a loud obnoxious voice, it was just a, ‘Yes, I’m gay, is that a problem?’ voice, she freaked out. Maybe I’m just reading too much into her words and not thinking about ways I can learn to love and tolerate my bigoted room mate.
Or maybe I have a right to be angry and should resent her for the ignorant clueless bint that she is. It’s hard to say. Either way, I’m terrified by the thought of such a twisted reflection, and sad that I have to share the same space that she does.
