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How To Get Famous On FA
17 years ago
NOTE NOTE NOTE : For God/Buddha/Allah/Jah's sake, this is meant to be satire, don't take it seriously, dude. Just don't. Don't even try to make this personal or I'll set the f*ckin' leeches on ya.
How to get famous on art sites
1. Draw well.
Perhaps the most controvertial idea on this list is the idea that drawing well could actually help you to get those all important views and comments. Drawing well, however, has it's drawbacks, which may include actually having to spend more than 5 minutes on a piece (In some cases I've heard it go up to 10 or even 15 minutes!). This is definately not an option for those of a nervous disposistion or those with other mental problems, the prolonged concentration alone has been known to cause perfectly normal people to turn into gibbering wrecks after the first 3 minutes, clutching at their chests and screaming about wrist cramps and number 2 pencils breaking. Chilling stuff indeed.
2. Be recognisable.
People wont visit your page if they don't know who you are at a glance, people are b******* that way. Your first port of call is an easily recognisable style, the most fruitful are ones that are already well established in the community. Why not try some Sonic mary janes? Or some Lion king/disney style? And don't worry about plagerism, all you need to do is put a big eyelashes and a bow on their heads for girls, or change the eye colour for the guys. Another way to be recognisable is to get an icon that will stick in everyone's head, most likely to be your favourite character. But make sure never to draw this yourself, keep the mystery of your own skill level until they click onto your page, it'll get you another view!
3. Be nice.
Something that is not often found in the anonymity of "the interwub", niceness can be a useful tool in upping your view count by well placed friendly behavior and kind gestures. Being nice can have the good points of people commenting on your works out of pity, but we all love a good pity comment now and then. Being nice takes a long time to work, and the benefits may not be obvious at first, but the upsides may include giftart and random instances of "glomping". Practise ass-kissing at a professional level, make sure you make everyone know that you love everything about everything that everyone did.. ever! Further study should include observing and taking notes on celebrity assitants, low level
politicians, and people in the office vying for promotions.
4. Be a bile-filed, teeth-flashing, growling ass****.
True, this option is usually only reserved for the already famous, but why not hone these skills along with your art? Practice being spiteful in your mirror, reherse what you'd say to a lowly fan who just told you they like your work. Make sure to insult them on every level you can, snort at them and turn your nose up, make them understand that even being permitted to comment on your work is a priviledge that they should not take for granted. Undermine their confidence to make you feel better, insult everything you can find, and remember, a real pro can fit a disparaging remark encompassing physical, mental, and artistic traits into a single sentence, so keep practising.
5. Draw porn.
It's what we're here for. Porn porn porn. It's what the internet was made for. When drawing porn you don't need to worry about anatomy or impossibilty. In fact, when drawing porn it's actually more beneficial to be as out of the realms of probability as you can manage. Draw a horse with a mouse, or an elephant with a grasshopper. And always make sure that the boobs are huge and the c**ks are pulsating.
6. Have friends in high places
As an offshot of point three, this is also something you can work on to save time. Instead of wasting your time with the commoners, try to work your way into the hearts and minds of one or two of the people you'd most like to emulate. Pick your favourite artist and stroke their ego, draw them giftart and get in their good books. If you play your cards right they might even draw you things too, all while you claw your way up the ladder on the back of their success. Always make sure to have a back-up hero if your first choice turns out to be a subscriber to point number four. You may have to work through 3 or 4 of these people before hitting on one who works for you, but be patient. This is the most fun way to get famous.
7. Draw porn
No seriously. Draw Porn.
How to get famous on art sites
1. Draw well.
Perhaps the most controvertial idea on this list is the idea that drawing well could actually help you to get those all important views and comments. Drawing well, however, has it's drawbacks, which may include actually having to spend more than 5 minutes on a piece (In some cases I've heard it go up to 10 or even 15 minutes!). This is definately not an option for those of a nervous disposistion or those with other mental problems, the prolonged concentration alone has been known to cause perfectly normal people to turn into gibbering wrecks after the first 3 minutes, clutching at their chests and screaming about wrist cramps and number 2 pencils breaking. Chilling stuff indeed.
2. Be recognisable.
People wont visit your page if they don't know who you are at a glance, people are b******* that way. Your first port of call is an easily recognisable style, the most fruitful are ones that are already well established in the community. Why not try some Sonic mary janes? Or some Lion king/disney style? And don't worry about plagerism, all you need to do is put a big eyelashes and a bow on their heads for girls, or change the eye colour for the guys. Another way to be recognisable is to get an icon that will stick in everyone's head, most likely to be your favourite character. But make sure never to draw this yourself, keep the mystery of your own skill level until they click onto your page, it'll get you another view!
3. Be nice.
Something that is not often found in the anonymity of "the interwub", niceness can be a useful tool in upping your view count by well placed friendly behavior and kind gestures. Being nice can have the good points of people commenting on your works out of pity, but we all love a good pity comment now and then. Being nice takes a long time to work, and the benefits may not be obvious at first, but the upsides may include giftart and random instances of "glomping". Practise ass-kissing at a professional level, make sure you make everyone know that you love everything about everything that everyone did.. ever! Further study should include observing and taking notes on celebrity assitants, low level
politicians, and people in the office vying for promotions.
4. Be a bile-filed, teeth-flashing, growling ass****.
True, this option is usually only reserved for the already famous, but why not hone these skills along with your art? Practice being spiteful in your mirror, reherse what you'd say to a lowly fan who just told you they like your work. Make sure to insult them on every level you can, snort at them and turn your nose up, make them understand that even being permitted to comment on your work is a priviledge that they should not take for granted. Undermine their confidence to make you feel better, insult everything you can find, and remember, a real pro can fit a disparaging remark encompassing physical, mental, and artistic traits into a single sentence, so keep practising.
5. Draw porn.
It's what we're here for. Porn porn porn. It's what the internet was made for. When drawing porn you don't need to worry about anatomy or impossibilty. In fact, when drawing porn it's actually more beneficial to be as out of the realms of probability as you can manage. Draw a horse with a mouse, or an elephant with a grasshopper. And always make sure that the boobs are huge and the c**ks are pulsating.
6. Have friends in high places
As an offshot of point three, this is also something you can work on to save time. Instead of wasting your time with the commoners, try to work your way into the hearts and minds of one or two of the people you'd most like to emulate. Pick your favourite artist and stroke their ego, draw them giftart and get in their good books. If you play your cards right they might even draw you things too, all while you claw your way up the ladder on the back of their success. Always make sure to have a back-up hero if your first choice turns out to be a subscriber to point number four. You may have to work through 3 or 4 of these people before hitting on one who works for you, but be patient. This is the most fun way to get famous.
7. Draw porn
No seriously. Draw Porn.
You hit the shark on the nose with that one *big fucken' huge thumbs up*
eugheufhuigojef fucking leeches good god afk oekhsdijofkepsgdohfji;,akexjnc :|
Wait, did I say free? I meant for money...
Wait, did I say money? I meant for a song...
Wait.... x3
Wait...That makes you infamous.
Dang.