So, apparently the problem was nowhere near as serious as I thought. Turns out the backup router we had had different settings, so... once those were cleared I was able to connect back to the internet.

Things are almost back to normal now. The main router (which had fried due to Cox's dumbass tech support) was just reset to factory default as well and thankfully got salvaged, so once the settings for that are back to the way we had them, everything will be as it was... several headaches later however. |3

Whatever though, I'm thankful we have internet now since... well I was going crazy without it. Can't imagine what things would be like if this lasted as long as I thought it would.