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My Art Is Dying
13 years ago
I was looking over my gallery last night to see how my art has improved over the years that I have been back on DeviantART. But then something odd struck me in a way I have not noticed before:
My art is starting to lose its initial life it once had.
I may have some of you think, "But you've improved so much!" or "Your art got really good," I don't know about it being "good" but I know I have improved, that much I can say. But I'm not talking about improvement, I noticed in my earlier years I have drawn so much more than I do now. I also noticed that my art in general had a cheerful and happy feel to it. As I look over my more recent art, I noticed a lot of that content glow is gone or rapidly diminishing. I find this to be quite unsettling.
I know that I have not drawn so much now because I no longer have the luxury of time; how easily we all abuse that privilege. Though the life I am living currently is going alright with me, I feel that me growing up in general is what is making my art go in the direction it's going. I looked back at my past by reading dA notes and other documents and I have to say, I was pretty pathetic, and I'm not even saying this for you to give me pity. I got upset over so many stupid things I find it mind boggling now. With that in mind I believe it's what has started taking a toll on my art, but what really intensified it is how I am growing up as an adult. Instead of worrying about upsetting someone over something I had no awareness of, or being upset about not being on the computer 24/7, I now worry about bills and insurance so much more. I worry about my future with my career, I worry about being in debt. All of this is shaping me to be a more serious person. Although there's nothing wrong with a mature person, it has taken a lot of my initial carefree attitude. I simply can't afford to think that way no more.
It saddens me to see my art not having that life it used to have. As I think about it, I remember I now have a hard time drawing happy themed pictures and I have a much easier time if it's more serious or even negative. I think to myself, "Is my art supposed to look like this? Am I supposed to go through this phase?"
I will say that I have matured a lot, but I will also say that I still have yet a lot of growing up to do. This is something I fear because if I am completely grown up, I will become just another "robot" living in this society.
I guess all I can say is, for those of you who are still in high school or under, enjoy your youth while you can. Stop getting upset over petty things that does not need that much attention, be happy because life will suddenly slap you in the face and say, "Hey it's time to grow up now! Here, have all these responsibilities or else you'll get screwed over and end up living in the streets!" (Alright, maybe not that dramatic, but you get the idea). The "wise" (but still learning) Lumi has spoken, lol.
Take care guys <3
You are right. :3
As for art - really, just go with the flow. Draw your feelings, draw your ideas, but don't be upset that it's no longer happy. It doesn't necessarily mean you're less happy now, it just means your mindset has changed... besides, I am sure that you will still come up with the occasional drawing form your old self! Besides - no going too serious til mah stickers are done! >:3
Maybe you could give tips about how to stop worrying about useless things? Jealousy, fear of rejection, etc?
It seems that in theory, it's quite simple just to.. forget it.. but in practice, it seems near impossible. :(
I haven't forgotten about your stickers, I barely ever forget those sorts of things, and there's no excuse, I haven't been working on them (I'm still at 2 out of 10). The main reason why I haven't worked on them is because I want to create a sticker pack that's happy and cheerful I want to be able to send you something that brings a smile to your face whenever you see it. I don't want to send you a pack that looks forced D: I'm really sorry for taking so long with them, but I promise you I will make your time and patience worthwhile. <3
In terms of tips, well...
What I can say is ask yourself, "Do I really want to be feeling unhappy?" If not, then one has to fix it by getting rid of the source that brings unhappiness, or if that's too difficult to tackle the issue head on, then modify the problem into something that's more bearable for the time being until one's able to move on more smoothly. Sometimes one has to push aside the emotions and think with their head and find a solution.
Of course, this is much easier being said than done. I still struggle with some aspects of myself that brings me unhappiness, but if one doesn't practice themselves on thinking realistically and logically, one will have a very difficult time trying to become happy. Everyone expects happiness to be handed to you on a silver platter, and when there's a problem they expect it to be solved quickly and any little effort they put into that fails gets discouraged very easily and resort having to live with that problem. We're all just big lazy people, lol.
I guess what I'm trying to say, if there's a problem, use common sense and be persistent/determined and you'll be able to become a person who in a better emotional state of mind.
Sorry for the long lecture xD;
Lol no thank you D:
I guess you are right. I found myself today thinking "I am really becoming a better person. I can talk more easily to people and speak what's right on my mind, blah blah." then I became sad and found myself thinking, "why am I sad? I was just convinced earlier I was a better person." and just.. could not get myself up again. I eventually just forced myself to stop thinking negative and everything would be okay in the end.
I realised that overcoming sadness was not just something you could expect, or that would change with situations. It was just a habit you had to beat, a habit that just reoccurred in the same places if it wasn't just.. weaned out of you.
So with that in mind, I've started to force myself out of these certain sad situations. It's still extremely sad, but.. I will learn, in time. :3
Have you any stories? ^^
I'm very glad that you're so patient about this, I feel my creativity juices flowing in a bit better so chances are I may be able to continue on with the commission. Again, I don't forget about these things (mostly) I know that I owe a kiriban sketch that was half a year ago, I promised a portrait drawing since July (still have that ref comment in my inbox to constantly remind me) your commission, a drawing I promised to a friend since Fall of 2010 etc... Damn... I really need to get those done lmao.
That's pretty much what it is, trying to break a bad habit. No one wants to be upset, but it's just so easy to fall into that and many of us see that as also like a "security blanket" in a sense; though we feel like shit, we don't want to move from that spot because whether it's secret or not, we look for the support (or pity) of others. Friends will support you yes, but doing that constantly and they will start to get annoyed by it and slowly avoid you/talking to you just because it's rather awkward for them, don't know what to say, and/or just plain fed up with seeing you upset all the damn time (I'm not saying this is your case, but this is from what I have observed on many different occasions both online and off).
I'm still trying to break off that habit, hell I know I'm not perfect with that, but at least I am conscious about that and I can easily say what I'm being upset about it stupid/pointless and need to snap out of it. But alas, Pathos is so much stronger than Logos >.>;
I have plenty of stories haha, one I'm sure you're very familiar since you were somewhat involved in it. I remember how much I cried to you when you told me about that message you saw on dA and how much you tried to console me whenever I talked about how much I missed that bastard. Now when I look back on that I just want to slap my past self silly, because I knew he wasn't coming back to me and there was no chance at all to be with him, I knew I was being used, yet I was so god damn stupid and still went along with it all. I'm not a person who holds grudges but he's earned that place and I will never forgive him for all the pain. Still, in a way, I also have to thank him because he's made me aware that I'm much better than that and I don't have to deal with shit like that in the future.
I remember when I was trying to move on I was forcing myself to not be sad and be happy. What helped was actually when I told him I was no longer a virgin (even though I sounded like I regretted telling to him) Lol I sound so biased right now and it makes no sense right now I sound drunk, hah. I blame the lack of sleep and overworking. I can go on forever ranting about this guy, but you already know the story, xP
I guess what I am able to say with pride is that I feel like a much better person and a much happier one at that, than I was 2 years ago. I no longer have to deal with stupid arguements ("What do you like more: felines or canines? and choose one!" -rages and makes huge deal when I chose felines because I wasn't allowed to choose both and chose felines at random just to answer the damn question-)
Oh man, that was all sooooo fucking stupid. I was fucking stupid to even put up with that in the first place. xD