There has been a lot going on in my life that doesn't need going into at the moment. Suffice it to say that I'm extremely upset. I won't go into detail about most of the things that have happened, but there is one thing above all others that is tearing at my heart and making it hard to really give a damn about anything. I don't know if I'm going to stop art altogether. I've been struggling with inspiration and consistency for a while, and I don't think I can be bothered to even try for a while after this.

Last week I got a call from my mother, in tears, that my dog, my best friend, my angel, was diagnosed with accelerated cancer. Fast-growing tumors, a dozen of them, all larger than a golf ball, that were not there when he last had an x-ray done six weeks ago are covering his chest cavity, inside his lungs, and on his heart. There is literally a tumor the same size as his heart on top of his heart. As if that weren't bad enough, I flew in on Sunday to find that while my dog looks absolutely healthy and doesn't even seem to show that he's sick, my cat, who I posted a journal almost a year ago about his failing kidneys, has taken a very sudden turn for the worse. He lost 3 pounds in the last month and is little more than skin and bones. It is very apparent that he won't be around for more than a few days.

I think with my cat, it's different. I've seen this coming for a while, and frankly the vet told us a year ago he wouldn't last longer than six months. I've been prepared for this for a while, but it's extremely horrid timing. My dog is being put down sometime next week. There is nothing that can be done to remove the tumors and even though I can't even process in my head right now the thought of losing him when he just looks so good and doesn't show any sign of suffering, my parents are right. It's better that we do it before he's in too much pain like my older dog who had to be put down a few years ago. As for my cat, I don't even know if he'll be around long enough to schedule a vet to come around. He's in so much pain that he yowls constantly and can't even sit properly. This is apparently a change since I arrived.

I have one other cat. I don't know how he's going to take it. My two cats are littermates and are always together. It may be that he also passes away, but I won't be able to be here with him after I start school again. I'm in too much pain to care about the internet, like I said, and frankly, this site is a poison that I don't need in my life right now. I'm going to spend what time I have with my babies and then if my heart doesn't explode from grief, I'm going to stay off the internet for a while. I just don't care anymore.