I been depressed since mid Jan 2011

You know when you go to a club and you don't like the music in the club, you have accept that's the music the club plays and that's their style so what do you do next? you leave the club.
Sadly I feel the same way about this world, most times I just wanna commit suicide cause I hate it here most times. But I no I can't cause I'll end up turning my family against each other and I'd fuck up everything and I don't wanna hurt my family.
I personally find everyone around me simple-minded and hardly creative things always leads me to being alone.

Im still working on the 3d model of Zapedy but lately, i've felt scared of finishing him cause of how people think of him, people have this shallow mind of how a project looks. e.g. If I made a game where you control an giraffe and you kill tarantulas, no matter how addictive I make the game, no matter how real I make the Giraffe look and how good the graphics are, THE FACT that it's a Giraffe, people wont like it. It always has to be the same old humans in army suits shooting other army suits games which is being done again and again and again. So basically when someone does something that's unique and creative comes out, it's blank and no one wants to know. I wanna do animation with Zapedy but I feel if it's not sucessful JUST!!!!! because of the way he looks, I don't even think I belong in this world, Why should I try and live with people who don't think out the box where am I always gonna feel alone? I think Animation industry's fucked, Game industry's fucked and music Industry's fucked as well.

Most people im referring to aren't on this site, this site probably has some of the most open-minded and creative people I know, but it's not like I can hang out with ya, most of ya are in america or wherever (at the end of the day, most of you aren't in UK).
Alot of artists hate me and don't wanna commission me cause of the things I ask when what I thought I was helping them better to explain what I would like. Maybe I am a bit specific and I have got really in depth refs but in my personal opinion, if I'm paying money for a commission, I should be happy with what I paid for, so I come out with more detailed refs to stop the artist Re-drawing and guessing how I want it, the ref helps get it exact to help the artist quicker. I never thought it'll lead people not wanting to talk to me or not liking me, now I'm thinking that I shouldn't have even started commissions. It seems whatever I do just pushes people away from me and makes me believe I don't belong here. Seriously what have I done that's put such a negative force around me?

I feel so low of myself cause I can't get any music done anymore no matter how many breaks I take, animating and works with Zapedy is going so bland cause I can't concentrate anymore. I now feel like the bum everyone's called me for years and I feel like I haven't got anything to counter it. It's affecting my eating, my sleep and just me.

Lately I'm like depressed 24/7 probably only 2 days in the whole of 2011 was great days. It's weird I'm feeling like this 4 days after my birthday, it just shows that no matter what goes well, I'm just never gonna be happy. I just don't feel like I belong in this world which is me being honest, I can't say things are fine when they ain't. The thing is it seems like I'm only here to please everyone else and they're happy I'm here but I'm not happy. That maybe a good thing but it can't stay like this. I feel this crap gets worse and worse.

I'm getting to the point where I've had enough, I've been to loads of thrapy and different psychiatrists but it feels none of it's working and I been on medication for years and they keep increasing the dose but it never stops.

I really hope a chance or something happens soon cause I'm very unhappy and I'm really in a debate whether to kill myself or not.