"A Deshou is a very emotional creature. It has even been compared to the legendary race know as 'woman' in terms of emotional instability. If you are to own one you must be fully prepared for the challenges that come with having it."

So lately, it hasn't been all bad, but some things are just lingering on my brain. Things that have REALLY been getting to me. And well.... I'll be fucked if I actually know what to do about them.

First off, I'm done asking people for things. This whole year has just been people promising they'd help me with things, they'd give me things, they'd do this and that, and none of it happens. They always can't do it, or stop in the middle, or just nevermind. And I can't get upset, because most of the time, they have legitimate reasons. So from now on, I'm taking it upon myself to do everything I need to and get everything I want myself. There are extremely few people in my life I can actually trust to do things for me. Sadly most of them are in hiding.

Second, remember my break up? Its in the past. Its done. It wasn't violent or harsh and there were no hard feelings, nor contempt for anyone. But you know that regardless of how bad it was, there's always the set amount of... well, upsetness that you feel. We chose to remain friends, and its not like talking is awkward or anything. Its just... well, I feel bad because of the break up. And this is going to sound REALLY bad, but I feel bad that they don't feel as bad as I do. Once again, I can't get mad at them. That's what I get for falling in love with a sociopath. But its still there. In addition, him becoming a sociopath makes me want to ask questions. Some about us, and others about other things. But I'm afraid to ask because of both not wanting to make anything awkward and also because there's no way for me to know if it'll be true or not.

On the upside, people seem to like me now. A lot of people have decided to come out and say they like me, but the thing is, they're all either random whores from school, or friends that I have absolutely NO attraction to. Why the hell can't I get someone I'd be interested in to fall for me? I'll be fucked before I put myself in a false relationship, but I hate telling my friends no. I just don't like hurting feelings. And I just feel like someone I'd actually like eludes me greatly cuz most of my relationships have some massive fault. One person, we were more bros than lovers. The other was a jealous freak who tracked my emails. And now its a sociopath. You'd think I'd break up with someone because they were mean to my friends or something, but no, they're all just some sorta nutty. I admit I'm not the most normal person alive but I honestly haven't had one normal person of interest.

There's more but I have things to organize and I'm late, so I'll update this journal later today if I feel like it, but I just had to get these things off my chest. Shit's mad nutty, yo. I'm gonna have to deal with it. Any support/advice is much appreciated.

"Everything shines in the sunny days of you life,
Close your eyes to find yourself in this mystic feeling."