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To CritLocked - Why I find it hard to reply
13 years ago
Dude,
I'm sorry I haven't replied to you, yet...
It's because I have no idea how to reply to the esteem you poured out to me over notes...
Did I mention that? I dunno..
I've never been 'somebody's favorite artist'-- not even my own. For what you said, it feels surreal-- like you're talking about someone else, even though that someone else is me...
To be honest, I've felt more scorn and ridicule in my life as an artist than anything else. I had an ex comment on how people remembered me for "That weird cheesasaurus series", that other artists "were ashamed to be mentioned by me in the context of that series"... There're other prominent TF artists who won't ever reply to my comments, unless possibly I say something grievous. I've had other friend groups exclude me and my crappy art (which was very poor at the time, though)... My art isn't posted at any furry sites unless it's for ridicule, or it's the flashes you remember me for.. I've done fan art for people only to have the smallest modicum of response acknowledging my hardwork...
And if I'm lucky, I get maybe a third of the results that somebody like
Herro gets. And even then, that's still a lot; maybe three to ten times what 
CrisisAbort makes, yet she's fucking stellar..
I've never had "a fandom", much less a fan. :F
In summation, it's been pretty hard continuing to draw or animate anything when I look at all the requirements and outcomes of my effort.
After talking to
Chero-kee- and considering I might be better than shit, I'm reminded of something I said to someone else.
I said that I've been so focused on the outcomes that I forgot that I think I like the headspace and focus of drawing. I've judged drawing upon "Will this be as sexy and appeal as much as I thought it might?" instead of, "Would I like to draw this?"
I'll see about making more time to relax and draw, in between all the other projects and coding I want to do... Thanks to you, and anybody else
I'm sorry I haven't replied to you, yet...
It's because I have no idea how to reply to the esteem you poured out to me over notes...
Did I mention that? I dunno..
I've never been 'somebody's favorite artist'-- not even my own. For what you said, it feels surreal-- like you're talking about someone else, even though that someone else is me...
To be honest, I've felt more scorn and ridicule in my life as an artist than anything else. I had an ex comment on how people remembered me for "That weird cheesasaurus series", that other artists "were ashamed to be mentioned by me in the context of that series"... There're other prominent TF artists who won't ever reply to my comments, unless possibly I say something grievous. I've had other friend groups exclude me and my crappy art (which was very poor at the time, though)... My art isn't posted at any furry sites unless it's for ridicule, or it's the flashes you remember me for.. I've done fan art for people only to have the smallest modicum of response acknowledging my hardwork...
And if I'm lucky, I get maybe a third of the results that somebody like
Herro gets. And even then, that's still a lot; maybe three to ten times what 
CrisisAbort makes, yet she's fucking stellar..I've never had "a fandom", much less a fan. :F
In summation, it's been pretty hard continuing to draw or animate anything when I look at all the requirements and outcomes of my effort.
After talking to
Chero-kee- and considering I might be better than shit, I'm reminded of something I said to someone else.I said that I've been so focused on the outcomes that I forgot that I think I like the headspace and focus of drawing. I've judged drawing upon "Will this be as sexy and appeal as much as I thought it might?" instead of, "Would I like to draw this?"
I'll see about making more time to relax and draw, in between all the other projects and coding I want to do... Thanks to you, and anybody else
To be short, you do have a fan(s). Im just not very vocal on FA at all
I'm glad to know that I helped you figure out more about yourself.. so.. I appreciate that. :X I think I'll bookmark this page just for future inspiration to myself..
But glad to see you getting over that way of thinking. It's certainly more fun and healthier to draw and post things based on just your own personal criteria. So yeah there are people who like your art and not just your art either I'm sure. Hopefully our numbers will increase. :3
Even then, I comment everywhere, but I don't think a lot of people notice or care. There've been a few I met at AC who were like, "Who were you again?" so, haha.. B)
I'm trying, but I think I'm getting there. I'm getting more of my own personal projects done-- just the projects that keep me in touch with others (EG: art) are the ones that I lack in.. :F
I hope our numbers'll increase, too. :o <3
Well if the only touching ground with your fans and art is FA then the comments are somewhat essential I guess. Haha maybe someone should put together a list on how to get more comments things like if posting a sequence or comic post just one page a day(since otherwise people will generally just comment on the last page), reply to all comments you receive or tag and theme your picture properly. :3
I was going to make a response about you liking coding and not needing to like drawing and etc, etc, but I think I remember having a similar discussion with you about similar things and you were all "oh, I know I'm too down on myself, but I'm not being serious." and I was all "Awwrooo. ;.;"
Man, sometimes I'm so down on myself that it's implicit in all my arguments and reasonings.. I wonder if I think this normal dis-ease is really being down on myself, but isn't normal? Hm.. :S <3 ("I'm not being serious" being "I'm unable to see the subconscious self-dislike").. eh..
Thanks for your comment, Minnie :O
Just.. I guess maybe more people like anime-like hetero or gay.
... You should make more. |3c
I'm glad though that there are nice people like chero-kee and critlocked to keep you from entirely giving up on your art. You do have great talent and you really deserve more appreciation for it, and especially more self-esteem about it because you really are good at what you do.
Sometimes though, I know what you mean. When people show super-appreciation about your "modest work", it is hard to understand that they are not overly medicated, had lost their glasses, or trying too hard to be "nice" so that you dont 'feel bad'. It is weird thing to be paranoid about, and also really easy to be. But in reality there are people who really do love what you do and really do appreciate you. And it is wonderful. ;v;
Further more, the popularity/appreciation/esteem trap sucks. Thats it. It just sucks. Been there and back again on various occasions, and you know that one. Nobody deserves to fall into that. It ruins the "fun" of drawing that you had in the first place. It is also hard to completely escape it... But I hope that the conversations you had and will have will keep you in good perspective and continue to resonate with you so that you can enjoy simply drawing again... for yourself! <:] If you need any help on that front, or just feel like it, I'm usually around and happy to talk to you.
Second paragraph: really great statements.. perhaps it's my own paranoia, eh?
I think we've both been in that trap... sigh. I do hope we can get to enjoy drawing again..
Also, on the bright side, after reading more comments, looks like you have a good number of fans and friends who support you! :)
You just leveled-up in confidence I hope! XB
For me, I don't look at just the quality of the art, I look at the creativity put into the work and the subjects used.
And quite honestly as is, DewSmoke was one of my first absolute fav characters and still falls into that category.
If people don't like your art for whatever reason and feel the need to ridicule over style or subject matter just take it with a grain of salt as there will always be people who do like it. If you enjoy drawing for whatever reason, style, and subject matter just do it, there will always be a slew of people who enjoy it whether they speak up or not and the only end result requirements that should restrict you is what you feel like doing at the time and nothing more.
Good mention on the creativity, at least.. Perhaps I should value myself as a conceptual innovator at least. There're a few TF artists who I value for the same thing, besides just their artistic talents.
I'm glad you feel that way about Dew, though I'm so critical when I feel I don't merit such praise. :F It's like being a natural at something-- you want challenge, you know? I suppose I'm not embracing that which I've been good at..
I suppose the problem RE: drawing for drawing's skae is that.. I almost rarely do. :s If the only restriction/result requirement was what I felt like doing, I suppose it explains why I've done nothing at all... And that makes me sad, since there're a few people like those here who like what I've produced.. D:
alas.. (Thanks for your thoughts, btw. )
Fanart is a lucky thing, in that boat.
So, I wish I liked drawing for myself. I'm getting over it, though, because I've drawn to accomplish things. Perhaps I just need to set a goal and I can accomplish it?
(thanks for your reply, btw :>)
As long as you're enjoying what you're doing, I'm happy to watch and admire. Keep doing what makes you happy. ^_^
Most people have found me through my flashes, so I've always felt that the only way to get seen is by finishing another.. So I have about two or three unfinished projects because of that. :F
I suppose the problem was that I stopped enjoying it. Maybe it's that I never set a goal for myself either? It's easy to say "I should draw", but, to say "I should finish a picture by the end of this week".. something a bit more concrete I guess?
I just wish I saw more from you more often. I also like the one with the office girl who's crotch turns into a pool toy w/ cock. I think that's my favorite one... *melts*
Anyway.. I don't see me not having you as my favorite artist for.. quite some time. You've always made me happy with your art, even though I'm not really into the inflation stuff I still can't help but say "Damn.. that is really cool." whenever I see it done by you, ST. Don't stop doing what you love, don't give up your dreams.. It's better to aim for the stars and miss, because even then you'll still hit pretty darn high.
Heh.. corny, I know, but hey.. thank you, for all the years of art and effort - I know it's brought quite a few smiles and opened up my mind to all sorts of new and interesting things. I'd like to think that you've helped me become a better person, even if I'm not "into" some of your stuff your art has helped me accept and understand a lot of different things and people by creating that little spark that was needed to do so in many cases. So thank you, for everything.
and for the record, you aren't bad. so don't stop.