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Just in thought
13 years ago
I know many of you watchers of mine wont even read this. I have just been thinking and I just wanted to write it down somewhere.
Well shit. Emotions. I wish I could understand them at times. Standing back and looking at how I felt earlier this year it just leaves me thinking WTF! Just being twisted around so much I've felt that I have changed a lot. I can't say I have the same outlook that I did 2-5 years ago. Being out in the real world hit hard. Moving out, a three year relationship ending, working 1000km from my home ( not a typo), moving back to live out of home full time, a close friend dying, family dog being put down, betrayal by close friends. Yet here I sit. The best health I've been in for years. I've accomplished getting my college diploma with great grades. I'm going to university to get my bachelors. Got a stable job with room for moving on up the corporate ladder. even feel I am doing better with my art skills. Things seem they're going just okay. Yet I feel I lack the feeling of accomplishment. I mean my ex from my three year relationship has moved on and made his life better, even got a new boy friend. I'm still dealing with my new found commitment issues. I'm still finding a way to cope I guess.
I am just stuck with the same question in my head, " am I okay with this." My only response is I don't know. I just don't know what to make out of my life right now.
Maybe it's time to move out to a different home with different roommates and kind of get a fresh start. Till then I'll be around living life.
Well shit. Emotions. I wish I could understand them at times. Standing back and looking at how I felt earlier this year it just leaves me thinking WTF! Just being twisted around so much I've felt that I have changed a lot. I can't say I have the same outlook that I did 2-5 years ago. Being out in the real world hit hard. Moving out, a three year relationship ending, working 1000km from my home ( not a typo), moving back to live out of home full time, a close friend dying, family dog being put down, betrayal by close friends. Yet here I sit. The best health I've been in for years. I've accomplished getting my college diploma with great grades. I'm going to university to get my bachelors. Got a stable job with room for moving on up the corporate ladder. even feel I am doing better with my art skills. Things seem they're going just okay. Yet I feel I lack the feeling of accomplishment. I mean my ex from my three year relationship has moved on and made his life better, even got a new boy friend. I'm still dealing with my new found commitment issues. I'm still finding a way to cope I guess.
I am just stuck with the same question in my head, " am I okay with this." My only response is I don't know. I just don't know what to make out of my life right now.
Maybe it's time to move out to a different home with different roommates and kind of get a fresh start. Till then I'll be around living life.
I am glad that you moved on with your education and it was great to see your last success.
I am sure you will do well with your continued growth.
you have a few months to do that though, so you can look and find someone you can live with and not be driven nuts