Sometimes it all begins to burn inside of me again and again. The tears burn as they Well up behind my eyes. They seem to come from nowhere. Sometimes I just cannot stop them. Sometimes I wonder why I even try. It's painful to know I have been disowned sometimes. I think that was made pretty clear to me in my Brother not getting me up there for Moms funeral.'

Mom passed away in February. I was down really sick the last week or so of her life. I still have not regained the ability to hear on the telephone. Do you know how frustrating life becomes when you can no communicate simply like everyone else? I get to my bills the day that they are threatening to Shut whatever it is that I need to pay off. It sucks living from shut off notice to shut off notice. My brother has never experienced that yet. He has always been at Moms borrowing money ( by the thousands), I have always fought to get by. With Mom gone I have to fight even harder. Sometimes I don't know what direction to look next, but somehow we make it by....we keep pushing forward. *wipes eyes*

Sometimes I just want to run away in the worst way.