I'm sorry to hear this kind of bad news. I, too, have recently broken up with my (terrible) ex-girlfriend and tried to remain a close friend to her, but frankly it doesn't work when the other person simply isn't trying to heal the wound they've caused in your life, or the void which takes place afterward. In your situation, however, for him to have deceived you in this way was definitely wrong, and like you said he could've gone about revealing the truth to you a different and better way, but in light of what has happened ... if I were you, I wouldn't take him back. The damage he's caused is done and to earn your trust again, after that big facade, is going to be the biggest challenge for him; and even if you two were to work something out, you'd never ever totally feel the same again for him, and will always have doubt gnawing on the back of your mind.

So for now, I know how you feel and can relate to all that anger building up inside of you, and I know how hard it is to truly let go of someone you've always known, but it'll be for the better in the long run. You, however, shouldn't punish yourself and say you won't try any potential relationships in the near or distant future. Staying mad and alone, for a period of time, only makes matters worse. If anything, surround yourself with things to do or friends you can really trust, and in time you'll start to feel better.

If you truly want to heal faster, I'd personally get rid of everything that reminds you of him. Everything. The simplest thing can cause a relapse of your anger, disappointment, sadness, and depression.

I'm always readily available to talk if you need someone to be your listener. Just say the word. For now, I wish you a speedy road to recovery. Some people you meet in life aren't worth your tears. :)

I fell in love with him and I don't know what to do without him. And everything reminds me of him. My room, my car, the sky, the stars, everything. And to be in a relationship now would not be fair to me or the other person. i would be constantly thinking of him and comparing him to the person and everything like that. I just don't know anymore.

Indeed, you will need some time to heal. But also don't let these feelings linger and turn into an obsession, or into a delusion where you can't live without him. Just give it time, hon. For now, you'll endure the hurt. You'll overcome this trial.

Yea and now my car won't start and I have no way to get to work. I can't afford to miss work. I don't make a lot to begin with. My manager is going to be pissed. My car started and drove fine last night. Just my luck

Aww! It's crazy how one bad event leads to another or at least seems coincidental. lol! I wonder what's wrong with your car all of a sudden. :/

no idea

What else is going on in your life? What kind of work do you do? How old are you? What state do you reside in? Etc. :)

I work at Wendy's, but I plain to go to college to become a vet and specialize with horses. I'm 18 and will be graduating high school this may. I like in Arizona and I hate it here lol. What about you?

Sounds like you have a plan! Stick to it and you will overcome any obstacle. :) As for me, I've been to college for three years, but had to drop out for financial reasons. I was just about to become a junior and focus on my core studies to become an English teacher, or go toward some kind of psychology field before I ran out of the funds my father had saved up. :/ Glad I never got into any student loans either. My college days were the worst times in my young adult life because I didn't have a job then, no means of transportation, and was without a mate to boot.

Instead, I ended up working for a logistics and transportation company for six years after college, and have been struggling ever since to get my life back on track after getting involved with the wrong females and failed relationships. lol!

Nowadays, I'm working at an appliance logistics and warehousing company, and trying to make new local friends and eventually have a new girlfriend in the process. ^^; Thus far, my endeavors have been met with mixed results, but it's a step in the right direction, and especially after breaking up with my ex-furry girlfriend of two years last fall.

So I've been just trying to get things back in order and trying to find a good woman to guide me through these next rough four years of being slightly broke, with a broken heart, and dreaming of hope for the near future. It's all I can do, you know?

I'm 27, live in Louisville, KY. I, too, don't like where I live because this is a big city, but also a lonely place for someone like me--unique as I am. Just a jaguar trying to make sense of his life in a metropolitan jungle. :)

My parents had some money saved up for me to go to college, but this recession made them use the money for more important things at the time, and we're broke so I gotta find scholarships and I'm gonna do FAFSA and I'll be working when I'm college too. Yea I'm looking for a job closer to where I live so if I don't have a car like now I could just walk to work or something. Speaking of my car, our mechanic called us today and told us the tow truck just got my car off today (took them two hours to put it on the truck cuz the truck wasn't working) and he tried to start it and it didn't start and he goes to work on another car and he tries to start my car again and it started fine. He called my dad and told him to just fix it up and get rid of it and find another car, but now my dad is trying to figure out a way to get me to work and stuff and trying to figure out how he could afford to buy another car and pay for the registration and everything. I don't even know if he would put the car in my name (I was saving up to put the car I have now in my name soon) or if he would put it into my uncle's name again like it is now.

Yea I live in Anthem which is a small community and I'm used to living in New River where there is room to breathe and take a piss and stuff without people calling the cops on you all the time. I'm a country girl and I love horseback riding and stuff and archery and everything. I miss having land so much

Yeah, this fluctuating economy has made it hard on everyone. :( And it does seem like it's time for a new vehicle. lol! What do you drive? I drive a 2004 Nissan Altima (silver). It's been faithful and strong for the past five years. ;)

Country girl, huh? That's what kind of girl I like because they appreciate the simpler things in life. City girls are too spoiled and materialistic. I don't like them all that much, which is part of the reason I've mostly been dating outside my state the last decade. lol!

I used to do archery when I was younger, but probably nothing like what you're used to out there in the big open. :)

And speaking of commissions, I need to hire someone to draw me too. Heh Tired of looking at the ones of me and my ex-girlfriend. >:|

I drive a 2002 Nissan Sentra (gold). Our mechanic told us to fix it up, sell it, and find something better thats not a Nissan lol.

Yea I don't like city fold either. They don't appreciate the daily things people do for them. I just can't do long distance relationships. I've tried it before and, with my trust issues, it's hard for me to do them.

I've been doing archery since I was 11 and am very good at it (not meaning to brag), but my bow has gotten too small for me so I haven't done it in a while because I can't afford a new one.

I only have two commissions and a few of me and my furry ex.

I see. Yeah, it's time for a new ride. Heh!

And I agree with the long distance relationship thing. Sometimes it works, but I'm too impatient for it anymore. :/ Longest one I had was for two years. Had to work a whole year only to see my love for one or two weeks. That's it. I stayed faithful too. It's just too hard on an emotional and physical level to deal with being apart.

Yup! You're better than me, for sure. lol

I skimmed over all of your journal entries. It seems you've had a really rough spell. :(

I'm gonna look for a truck! I am so excited! I'm gonna get an older ford or dodge and work on it and turn it into my dream truck. Can't wait!

Yea I haven't had much of a good senior year, that's for sure. I talked to my ex and asked him if he knew for sure, one hundred percent, if the kid is his and he said he asked for a test and it came back positive. I told him I just wanted to be sure that the mother wasn't just saying it was his to get back with him or anything. Not saying she would, but a lot of women do that sort of thing. I told him that I've been praying everyday for him to come back to me. I also told him that we should just work on our seperate lives and get ourselves together and just be friends and see where that leads us. I miss him so much. He was my only home. The place where I live right now is not home to me and never will be again. He was and still is my only home.

You want a truck? In this gas-gouging economy? Good luck with that! lol I'll stick to my 4-cylinder Altima. :3

That's understandable. I hope you two can remain friends despite all that has transpired. I can empathize with your belief that he is your whole world because at one point I wanted to believe in the same thing with my ex-girlfriend, but after she did everything in her power to truly hurt me as a person, I realized I had been the fool all along, trying to rationalize false hope that someday she would change her ways and return to my side. Nope!

I pray that you do not fall victim to the same treatment as I did. :(

I wish for better days to come your way, hon. And they will. You are still very young and have many more challenges in life to overcome, and this drama you're going through now is just the beginning on the road to enlightment.

I am envious of you. I wish I could go back to being your age when everything was simpler in life. :) Don't ever take it for granted.

I know a truck is not the best for gas, but trucks are so much better than cars. At least for me.

I know my ex would never do anything to hurt me intentionally. He thinks this is the best for now, to get our lives on track and try to connect with his daughter.

Thank you :)

I've heard people say that once you drive a bigger vehicle, you won't want to go back to a smaller car. *shrugs* I, personally, have driven large vehicles and believe they are a waste of raw materials and gas. Unless you're a contractor or someone who hauls a lot of stuff, owning a truck isn't necessary (in a city setting).

I hope you're right for the sake of your sanity down the road. ^^;

I hate small cars. All I used to drive when I was younger was big trucks cuz that was all we had. I miss driving a big truck all the time. Yea we've always had big trucks cuz my dad's a general contractor and vendor so he moves a lot of big stuff all the time. When I get my truck, I am putting a lift gate on it cuz it makes life a lot easier when you want to move heavy stuff or anything really. I'll probably be doing a lot of hauling stuff and helping ppl move out when they graduate and everything.

I wake up everyday and realize that he's not mine anymore and it feels like my hearts breaking again for the first time and I miss him so much. ugh

I see! Well, I can't wait to hear about what kind of truck you get. :)

And I know "that" feeling, but the only difference between how you feel and me is that just a reminder of my ex makes me sick to my stomach after all the bullshit she put me through, and living each day without her dumbass is just a harsh reality that I got screwed over financially, which I'm dealing with now on my own. Had I not gotten involved with someone like her, I would have been better off in so many ways. >.>

Love makes you blind. Despite what has happened, I at least have since made a new friend and have taken her on a few dates, and we plan on having another get-together this weekend. So I'm happy about what is happening now in my life. A new start. :)

I'm sorry you got walked on. Every guy, and girl, in my past has done the same thing to me and with Branden (my ex) he never did that. always opened doors and was such a gentleman and gave me flowers randomly and he was so sweet. He was different. Yea I'm going to stay single for a long time and see where fate takes Branden and I and just have fun with people.

I'm quite the chivalric guy myself, but my kindhearted actions don't do me any good when the girls living around me aren't worth a damn either. lol! I can be all I am or want to be, but they are all just no good for someone like me. I'm different too, possibly too much for the kind of dicks they're used to. Oh well! The hell with these city girls. I'm about tired of them. They don't know a good thing if it hit them on the ass. :|

I wish the best for you, hon. Pray you don't stay single for too long and become disgruntled like moi. lol!

I hung out with him tonight. We went to the park up here and walked around. It was difficult. I can still see his love for me shining brightly in his eyes. He's quit drinking and has almost stopped smoking. I told him I was going to stay single for a long time and he asked me why and it took me a while to answer cuz I was about to cry, but I told him it's because me heart still belongs to him. He is very old school. He put my hand on his arm and escorted me while we walked (he is the only one ever to do that for me). Then I had to drive him home and we sat in his driveway for a while and he reached for my hand and kissed it. I almost lost it then. And then he hugged me for a minute and I just breathed in the scent of him. And he kissed my hand again and just looked at me for a while and I know he knew I was on the verge of bursting out crying, so he said goodbye. I miss him so much. I was crying on my way home.

Aww, I've been there before. I used to break down in my car, driving home after dropping off an old flame at the airport, knowing I wouldn't get to see her again, not until next summer. It was always difficult to say good-bye to someone you really truly love.

At least we aren't saying good bye.

True! I pray things will work out for you two. Meanwhile, I've been busy on my end attracting all sorts of females. XD Has that much time passed since we last spoke? Wow!

I guess so because I got a new boyfriend now.

Dang! That was quick! How did this happen? ^,~

it was supposed to be a one night stand but there was something about him that pulled me back. he's my cowboy :)

Heh. Sometimes that's how it all happens--a little "physical" push and a little attraction. ^,~

yea lol hes amazing. pays for everything, puts up with me, loves me, and is really good in bed

Well, that's good. I'm happy for you. Treat him right.

i do and i always will. thank you :) i hope you find someone soon and i hope you are as lucky as i am

Ohh, I already have! lol! Dating a coworker and we're doing great together, working side by side. ^,^ We go to church together, wine and dine on weekends, see movies, and the whole nine yards. We're almost inseparable. She's fallen deeply in love with me. :3

im glad to hear that your getting out there!lol ive fallen deeply in love with my cowboy

:) And my new cowgirl has done the same with me. lol! She's so love-struck that she's already talking about things way down the road--moving in together, marriage, and kids. XD She's soooooooo sure about me being the real thing, which is very reassuring for me because I already know I'm a keeper. I know she is too judging by a lot of the natural things we do and share together. ^,^

my man is amazing. he took me in without a second thought and helped me through so much of my family drama. i love him so much. i've been wearing a ring so that everyone knows i am his and only his. its a ring my grandmother gave to me. it will work for now until he gets me a ring that he picked out. we're not going to get legally married. we will wear rings, but we'll just throw a party when we decide that we are ready for that step. i'm planning on having my last name changed to his and, as the government sees it, we will just have a domestic partnership.

Nice. Sounds similar to what me and my mate might do down the road. For now, since religion plays a big part in her life, I bought a cross to wear as our symbol of union and our devotion to God, for we feel like He's truly blessed us by guiding us to each other in these difficult times. :)

religion is a big part of my new family too. david even told his mom that i am part native american and if that would hinder us having children in the future. his religion believes that no one should cross races. but his mom said it doesnt matter cuz she knows how we feel about each other.

Yeah. Religion and beliefs shouldn't interfere with a marriage between a man and a woman. No matter their race.

sorry i havent been on much. busy with work and everything

Me too. Life is busy. :3

yea been looking for a better job but no luck yet. what i would really like to find would be a job working with animals. even if i had to clean kennels or something, it would at least help me get my foot in the door.

Well, I hope you find something. :) I'm looking into finding a better job as well and so far have gotten two offers. I've grown weary of working with older people in my department who are terribly disgruntled, surly, remorseful, and lazy--always complaining about their lives; about what they haven't gotten out of life, their jealousies, and their means of getting even with the people they don't like. These people are always the same lost sheep who gossip and belittle others to make themselves feel superior.

What upsets me more is that instead of them stopping to take a long look at themselves and to figure out a way to solve their problems, actually doing something about them, they don't do the most important thing that will surely bring them a little peace. And that is to turn to God. They are so intricately wound up in their little world and drama that they forget themselves.

Sometimes I think they're hopeless and bask in being wicked. Such sinners. :/

a lot of people are like that dear. more than i would like to admit

Yup! Thankfully the woman I can't stand will be leaving the company soon, so there will be one less wicked individual to deal with. ;)

lucky you lol. i work with a two timing whore as a manager

Ouch! That's worse. lol

yea not fun