I've had some life shit going on lately and problems I've been dealing with for months have been getting a bit worse. I've been really stressed lately and I fear I've been huring some folks feelings or dissappointing some. I'll detail my problems in a sec but I'm also gonna get my apologies out here first.

First apologies go to the folks who I'm normally in contact with on various messengers like Skype or AIM. Whether I've been ignoring you, not answering or the couple of you I've just been short tempered with. I've been iritable with quite a few people lately so it's not just you folks.

Second goes to folks expecting stories from me. I haven't been able to focus on much at all lately. Most of my schoolwork doesn't hold my attention, even the classes I once found fun and interesting. Stories have been suffering too, haven't been able to get more than a couple paragraphs in any given day. Heck, I'm even having trouble staying interested in some of my favorite computer games to play them for long! My playing of World of Warcraft has even gotten down to the most fun I tend to have is farming.

So what's been going on then? For almost a year now at random points in the day my head would suddenly feel hot for no apparent reason. It hurts sometimes it feels so hot and I can't concentrate or think about anything. I want to yell and do something whenever it happens too but I'm often nowhere I can do something like that. For even longer, I've been needing coffee to help get me going in the morning. While that's normal, the fact that even with 3-4 mugs of coffee I still end up fatigued in the middle of the day. This is making school even harder to do. Combine this with no job, a credit card bill I need to pay off, pressure from parents to get a job and do good in school (and go to school full time or I'm out of the house), parents who yell at me half the time for not doing dishes on my own (or for offering to help when they do them after yelling at me for it), and a long distance relationship with somebody my folks wouldn't approve of... lots of stress on my late to deal with that also has me worried my old depression may be coming back with a vengence. Small wonder I get a headache at least 4 out of 7 days of the week.

I'm thinking two things right about now. Firstly, I'm gonna talk to a doctor. A trusted friend at church says that the hot feelings in my head may be adrenaline rushes caused by sleep deprivation (which can cause a whole mess of hormonal imbalances). Second, I'm gonna come clean with my mom at least tonight. It's much easier to talk to one of them than both and even if mom is the one that seems to yell more often nowadays she also tends to understand more. I might be lucky and if she knows all I'm dealing with she'll be more likely to go easy on me. She's "encouraging" me at the moment to go to school during the summer. I'm thinking I'll offer to go part time over the summer but I'm also going to talk to her about going part-time next semester too. Part time college should give me a chance to see various doctors and try to get my head back in order too I think. I guess we'll see how all this goes. If anybody else has some advice though, I could use some. Anything helps at the moment. Even if I don't take the advice it'd be nice to be reminded I still have folks who care about me.

Special thanks by the way to a few folks by the way.  gladiatorw07f for always being an ear to listen to me (when I can get a word in edgewise you chatterbox X3). I can always trust your opinion to be honest and your advice is normally very good.  legandaryhon for being the best boyfriend I never thought I'd have. You might add to my stress levels but you also are a constant ray of sunshine I can see beyond the clouds that darken my day. Also wanna thank his non-furry friend. She's always got some witty comment that ends up making me smile and has always made me feel better whenever I talked to her. She kept me going that disastrous day I tried to break up with my puppy once too. I'll never be able to thank her enough for that.