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"Thoughts of a lonely kitsune"
17 years ago
Another day, another empty day.
so very much to think about,
so much drive to do it all,
but with such a big hole in my heart and no one by my side,
getting up to face it all is such a challenge.
Much love left in my golden heart,
while the bitterness tarnishes the glitter and corrodes it all away,
telling me that they're not worth it,
reminding me of the little I have been given,
and all the daggers in my back.
I know this is not how things should be,
I know there should be more that I can do,
but these hands have been played for me,
I am a prisoner to circumstance,
a mind that never ceases to tell me just how mortal I really am.
If only the outside world could understand who I really are,
to see that there's more than some bum and head case,
and to know that I would protect them all from the corruption and misguidance,
if only I had the power to show the fading dream that still resides in me,
then they'd know that I deserved better and there'd be no questions,
no petty fears and stereotypes to kick me while I am down,
and remind me of just how bleak the world looks through unblinded eyes.
I know I may never truly be seen,
nor may this pain ever be justified,
I must live on in a world that can never truly understand just what I really am.
Just remember, those who dare listen to the words of a pathetic nobody
that while your days continue, bright and full of possibility
that there is always those whose life has been much worse than your own
and there is such thing as those for whom living in the world is simply too much.
Never forget those that hold the weight of the world on their shoulders
so that you may go about your days, ignorant and free...
and remember that when you see someone who doesn't look quite right,
perhaps below a bridge or drinking at a bar alone, that you could very
well see a legend who's wings were merely clipped by the society we know.
Love is blind, deaf and dumb, incapable of discrimination of any kind,
a true miracle built day by day and made of truth, trust, loyalty and honor,
some disbelieve it's even there but those that know could never live without it,
necessary warmth that fuels the desire to live and face living hell with a smile,
the only true evidence that there may be a God beyond the cold, blue sky.
I was born with the love in my heart and in there it still lies,
burning me alive from the inside as it reaches out for someone to hold on to,
the ashes forming as I wonder what could have been,
the flame churning as I wonder why my pain is never seen,
the hatred burning, oh how shallow and callous humanity has become,
my mind aching as it tries to rationalize all the feeling that clouds it,
my body weeping as it struggles to balance and keep me living on,
so on I shall go, only ghosts and bitter memories by my side.
I said I will not be like them and my words hold true,
for I am a warrior, I carry on proudly even with a broken spirit and body,
nothing to hold onto but the hope that someday it will all change.
that all my sweat, blood and tears will not be in vain,
my continued living the only proof of any strength within.
People may think the world is better off without me,
they may think I am little more than dust in the wind,
or garbage to shred and toss aside on a whim,
but they'll never really know that I was part of a glorious future,
one with the love to understand true peace and brotherhood of man.
I am not a savior, but a man who never forgot his innocence,
a man who made sound judgments all of his own,
one whose eyes could never be punched enough to fail to see the truth,
and one who saw through so-called freedom's clever disguise,
for this I am rendered evil, called a liar, sinner and madman,
God forbid these people ever travel a day in my shoes.
I don't ask for medals, riches or fame,
and no news papers ever need publish my name,
just remember that I am here for you when the world severs the life support,
spits on you and calls you a failure,
for I shall never hold bias or show ill will to those that think and live free,
for my compassion is all I have left, and that they shall never steal.
Well, if you're reading this that means you've actually read my poem of sorts. It looks like there's only six on my watch list, but if you're one of them and find anything note worthy about it, pass the message along. I may publish this in other places, but I don't really know where it would belong, or matter.
Much love,
Terry Lee AKA Rozene Kitsune
so very much to think about,
so much drive to do it all,
but with such a big hole in my heart and no one by my side,
getting up to face it all is such a challenge.
Much love left in my golden heart,
while the bitterness tarnishes the glitter and corrodes it all away,
telling me that they're not worth it,
reminding me of the little I have been given,
and all the daggers in my back.
I know this is not how things should be,
I know there should be more that I can do,
but these hands have been played for me,
I am a prisoner to circumstance,
a mind that never ceases to tell me just how mortal I really am.
If only the outside world could understand who I really are,
to see that there's more than some bum and head case,
and to know that I would protect them all from the corruption and misguidance,
if only I had the power to show the fading dream that still resides in me,
then they'd know that I deserved better and there'd be no questions,
no petty fears and stereotypes to kick me while I am down,
and remind me of just how bleak the world looks through unblinded eyes.
I know I may never truly be seen,
nor may this pain ever be justified,
I must live on in a world that can never truly understand just what I really am.
Just remember, those who dare listen to the words of a pathetic nobody
that while your days continue, bright and full of possibility
that there is always those whose life has been much worse than your own
and there is such thing as those for whom living in the world is simply too much.
Never forget those that hold the weight of the world on their shoulders
so that you may go about your days, ignorant and free...
and remember that when you see someone who doesn't look quite right,
perhaps below a bridge or drinking at a bar alone, that you could very
well see a legend who's wings were merely clipped by the society we know.
Love is blind, deaf and dumb, incapable of discrimination of any kind,
a true miracle built day by day and made of truth, trust, loyalty and honor,
some disbelieve it's even there but those that know could never live without it,
necessary warmth that fuels the desire to live and face living hell with a smile,
the only true evidence that there may be a God beyond the cold, blue sky.
I was born with the love in my heart and in there it still lies,
burning me alive from the inside as it reaches out for someone to hold on to,
the ashes forming as I wonder what could have been,
the flame churning as I wonder why my pain is never seen,
the hatred burning, oh how shallow and callous humanity has become,
my mind aching as it tries to rationalize all the feeling that clouds it,
my body weeping as it struggles to balance and keep me living on,
so on I shall go, only ghosts and bitter memories by my side.
I said I will not be like them and my words hold true,
for I am a warrior, I carry on proudly even with a broken spirit and body,
nothing to hold onto but the hope that someday it will all change.
that all my sweat, blood and tears will not be in vain,
my continued living the only proof of any strength within.
People may think the world is better off without me,
they may think I am little more than dust in the wind,
or garbage to shred and toss aside on a whim,
but they'll never really know that I was part of a glorious future,
one with the love to understand true peace and brotherhood of man.
I am not a savior, but a man who never forgot his innocence,
a man who made sound judgments all of his own,
one whose eyes could never be punched enough to fail to see the truth,
and one who saw through so-called freedom's clever disguise,
for this I am rendered evil, called a liar, sinner and madman,
God forbid these people ever travel a day in my shoes.
I don't ask for medals, riches or fame,
and no news papers ever need publish my name,
just remember that I am here for you when the world severs the life support,
spits on you and calls you a failure,
for I shall never hold bias or show ill will to those that think and live free,
for my compassion is all I have left, and that they shall never steal.
Well, if you're reading this that means you've actually read my poem of sorts. It looks like there's only six on my watch list, but if you're one of them and find anything note worthy about it, pass the message along. I may publish this in other places, but I don't really know where it would belong, or matter.
Much love,
Terry Lee AKA Rozene Kitsune
