FA+
Shop
Just need to vent!!!
13 years ago
First thing I wanna do is say sorry about the spelling and grammar right off the bat. It has never been my strong point in life so is a lot of things... And before I get started this is going to be whiny but I don't give a fuck right now.
I have failed at to much in my life to just let things go I feel like I could just..... That's just it I have no idea what todo I will just keep going till a path shows its self to me. I just have to fight an try harder in life. I may have to go to concealing to get past this funk I am in before I do bad things. This last con was a much need time for me and what I wanted to do. But sometimes that was just not enough to make me want more. I guess I am just sick of married life wife kids responceabilitys and dealing with not working a job worth a shit because me kids would lose there insurence and our food stamps. And what pisses me off the most I have ideas in my head that could change the world the passion to do it but not the money, or the knowledge, or the way to get theses ideas out of my fucking head! I can disign motorcycles to the point I could give Paul JR a run for his money. but I can't do that. Why? This is retarded. I want my life to change for the better or worse soon. I also love my mate and children with Amy heart but the deserve more then what I could ever give them. My wife and me have grown a part so much I don't even know she is any more. And I have changed too. But my love for has not changed just not sure if I can be with her anymore. We have changed so much I don't know if we have the streagth to do it all over again..
I have failed at to much in my life to just let things go I feel like I could just..... That's just it I have no idea what todo I will just keep going till a path shows its self to me. I just have to fight an try harder in life. I may have to go to concealing to get past this funk I am in before I do bad things. This last con was a much need time for me and what I wanted to do. But sometimes that was just not enough to make me want more. I guess I am just sick of married life wife kids responceabilitys and dealing with not working a job worth a shit because me kids would lose there insurence and our food stamps. And what pisses me off the most I have ideas in my head that could change the world the passion to do it but not the money, or the knowledge, or the way to get theses ideas out of my fucking head! I can disign motorcycles to the point I could give Paul JR a run for his money. but I can't do that. Why? This is retarded. I want my life to change for the better or worse soon. I also love my mate and children with Amy heart but the deserve more then what I could ever give them. My wife and me have grown a part so much I don't even know she is any more. And I have changed too. But my love for has not changed just not sure if I can be with her anymore. We have changed so much I don't know if we have the streagth to do it all over again..
Think of those problems like weeds in your garden. It's up to you, to find the weed, and either move it, let it be (which means accepting that you cannot remove it, and deal with it), or completely destroy it from your life.
The fact is, you will continue to feel this way, if those weeds (meaning the things that are eating at you) are still in your life. We have been friends for close to 20 years now. I have changed a lot too, we all do, so believe me that your not the only one on that boat. Hell, talk to Jason about what I have been going through with my Mate for the last few months/years.
You need someone to sit down with you, to start actually, listing, and breaking down the huge list of things that bother you, and come up with some new ways of dealing with them, and I will be glad to help. I am after all, a problem solver in the respects of years of experience.
Does she know, HOW you feel.. exactly? Or are you hiding your true worries and feelings from her. If she don't conceptualize (truly understand) your side of the story, and your side of things, then make her understand. Politely talk to her about what some of your concerns are, and see what her responses are? Anger, frustration, does she ignore you, not respect you?
I for one, know, you do a lot of work around that house, and take care of your kids. First hand.. I have watched you, get up EVERY FUCKING DAY, and make her breakfast, feed the kids, do the dishes, clean the house, make her lunch for work, run errends for her, re organize entire rooms to her liking, and make sure the house is spotless, and the kids are perfectly taken care of before she gets home from work, and after she gets home, you still cater to her every need, Dinner.. and on top of that, to deal with her ridicule on top of you, while your doing everything you can to please her.. and to be a father to your kids, and a husband to your wife....
You do a lot.. and you don't even realize it.. on top of all that, you DO work at night, a midnight shift job, that keeps you up, all night 4 nights a week...
I can totally understand why you feel that way, you don't feel MUTUAL RESPECT, from your wife. You probably feel that she is controlling you, and she has no love, or respect for you anymore, and that's a problem in a relationship, if that is the case.
Ok, enough of my opinion. If you really want to start working on those weeds *problems* I will come by, and we can have friendly apolitical discussions on things that can be done to remove them. And make you feel better.. NO BUTT SEXKS MY DICK IS NOT WORKING PROPERLY!!! LOL!!!