I have 7777 page views, thanks a bunch everyone.

I'm feeling rather down, and things have made me stressed out, I think I'm going to vomit blood again. not sure. but I hope to be able to finish the requests that I owe people, and the tarot cards I've been working on.


WARNING: Cildish Drama Ahead. Forget about this Journal, go get a cup of hot coacoa and cake. Enjoy your day.


If I can be able to finally get my own comp or the laptp working again, I may be able to finish things a lot sooner, but as it seems, my luck isn't like others. I don't get paid for my pictures, I try to get a job, but for some reason, I can't. I try to keep so many people happy, but everyone always wants more then I can give. I'm drawing to the point where I'll just stop. I'll stop the pain, stop the vomit of blood, stop the white hair from growing. No one will be happy.

I'm not talking about suicide, I've gone past that part. So don't worry pessimists, or those who cares. I've got school to go through, I've got a porr family to deal with, I've got people who continously ask for things, or just need me to do things for them. I'm trying to be happy, trying to be optimistic.. shit, screw it. People will probably just complain this is another drama filled furry here. People will all say the samething of "I hope things go better" but usually after those words, everyone goes off and looks at furry porn, or just go off to be happy. No one tries.

Damn Damn damn, what's the point!? No one here would actually try something, I'm not worth a damn, and none of this is anyone elses problem. This is all my problem, and no one really has to care at all. I can't get a job, shit, that's my fault, it's all my fault because I suck. No, I'm not looking for sympathy or empathy, or pitty, nor am I trying to guilt anyone. Hell stop reading this right now, this is all just my problems, and I really need to write this out. something about hitting the keys on this desktop just helps me feel better.

There's no point in me bitching, nothing will change, nothing will stop this pain from churning my insides until they twist into a not, waiting for the next person to turn it until it all explodes, and all that gushing blood of pure depression makes me fall into my own pile of shitty vomit. You can tell me how much you care, or that you worry, but do you really try? is it in what you want? will just a few words actually change anything? who knows.

None of this matters to anyone else but me, no one has to worry, no even has to say a thing, or read this. Because all in all, what does it matter? I draw for free, randomly picking people I like and draw them, just to make them happy. But yeah, I don't get paid, that's my fault. All of it is my fault, and I'm just going to take it all. I will take the pain, I probably deserve it for some reason. I'm a bad person.. right?

thank you for the Page Views.