FA+
Shop
Re: Openness about my depression and eating disorder
13 years ago
So over the past year or so, I’ve been talking a lot about my struggles with depression and the resulting eating disorder I developed to “cope”.
There are reasons for this. For one thing, I can no longer afford to seek professional counseling so I really feel like I have no one to talk to about it. There are few people I interact with on a daily basis who understand what it’s like to live with severe clinical depression, and less who share my particular eating disorder.
Since I’ve started posting journals and artwork related to my mental health, people have been wonderfully supportive. They even call me brave for coming out into the open with these issues.
I don’t know if I’d call it brave, really. It took a lot to get me to come out about my disease the first time, true, but since then it’s been easier.
There’s a stigma in our society today that sends the message that depression is something to be ashamed of. “Normal” people get along fine day-to-day, what’s the matter with than portion of the population that can barely drag themselves out of bed? Something’s wrong with them. They need help. They’re unhealthy.
And I was very ashamed of my thoughts, for a very long time. Refused to admit that I was anything but “occasionally sad”. That’s where my eating disorder came in. It offered solace, in its own damaging way. The shame I felt over being different manifested itself in a potentially fatal disease that has opened the door for a whole host of other dangerous physical diseases.
That’s why I write, and it’s why I draw.
While I still struggle with self-loathing and shame over my depression, I realize that I’m in a position to help others because I have many fans and followers.
I believe depression shouldn’t be locked away behind closed doors. If you are too ashamed to seek help, as I was for nearly ten years, there’s a good chance that you’ll turn to an unhealthy habit to cope with your feelings. My refusal to seek help about my depression is the reason I started binge-eating, and it’s the reason I started to self-mutilate.
If you feel depressed, or abuse substances or have thoughts of death or ending your life, I encourage you to talk about it. Fight back against the stigma society’s forced upon you. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Of course, you don’t have to discuss it on a broad public forum like tumblr or dA if the thought makes you uncomfortable. I just want to share the message that if you feel like you might be depressed, you should let it out. Don’t let it fester inside. That just makes it worse.
So I thank everyone for their support and kind words and intelligent discussions.
I still battle my bad thoughts every day. I still occasionally binge and hurt myself. But talking about it helps. Trust me.
There are reasons for this. For one thing, I can no longer afford to seek professional counseling so I really feel like I have no one to talk to about it. There are few people I interact with on a daily basis who understand what it’s like to live with severe clinical depression, and less who share my particular eating disorder.
Since I’ve started posting journals and artwork related to my mental health, people have been wonderfully supportive. They even call me brave for coming out into the open with these issues.
I don’t know if I’d call it brave, really. It took a lot to get me to come out about my disease the first time, true, but since then it’s been easier.
There’s a stigma in our society today that sends the message that depression is something to be ashamed of. “Normal” people get along fine day-to-day, what’s the matter with than portion of the population that can barely drag themselves out of bed? Something’s wrong with them. They need help. They’re unhealthy.
And I was very ashamed of my thoughts, for a very long time. Refused to admit that I was anything but “occasionally sad”. That’s where my eating disorder came in. It offered solace, in its own damaging way. The shame I felt over being different manifested itself in a potentially fatal disease that has opened the door for a whole host of other dangerous physical diseases.
That’s why I write, and it’s why I draw.
While I still struggle with self-loathing and shame over my depression, I realize that I’m in a position to help others because I have many fans and followers.
I believe depression shouldn’t be locked away behind closed doors. If you are too ashamed to seek help, as I was for nearly ten years, there’s a good chance that you’ll turn to an unhealthy habit to cope with your feelings. My refusal to seek help about my depression is the reason I started binge-eating, and it’s the reason I started to self-mutilate.
If you feel depressed, or abuse substances or have thoughts of death or ending your life, I encourage you to talk about it. Fight back against the stigma society’s forced upon you. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Of course, you don’t have to discuss it on a broad public forum like tumblr or dA if the thought makes you uncomfortable. I just want to share the message that if you feel like you might be depressed, you should let it out. Don’t let it fester inside. That just makes it worse.
So I thank everyone for their support and kind words and intelligent discussions.
I still battle my bad thoughts every day. I still occasionally binge and hurt myself. But talking about it helps. Trust me.
I am also going into medicine with a minor in psychology and I agree with you that stigma needs to be wiped out. Frankly not expressing emotion or feeling sad is more abnormal than having ups and downs. Its not a fun thing to deal with and I won't say everything will get better or to buck up and deal with it because frankly I feel that is just as damaging. What I will say is you rock for being this open and I hope that it helps with your healing and gives you a much larger support network of people who care and understand. We may not be psychologists but I myself (as well as many others I'm sure) support you and have some kind of personal experience with it. So to you I lend a paw of support even though you don't know me well or really at all but if you need an ear or help finding resources to help you (I know a few since I'm going into medicine) I'm here and happy to offer that!
I am glad you've found support here, that's really great. <3 I hope you start to feel better and continue to improve. It's hard, but it helps to know that you're not alone. <3
I'm always open to talk if you're ever in the mood or need to.
That said, society being less than understanding is still better than some of the reactions I've had upon talking about it, apparently a lot of very gross people think that it's okay to accuse suicidal people of being "manipulative" and to bully someone who is suicidal if those gross people think the suicidal person is lying about it. (and they think everyone is lying about it, apparently they reckon that depressed people don't talk about it so anyone who does must be lying).
Sadly talking about it often results in hostile reactions such as that. So not everyone is willing to risk talking about it after the first time some arsehole decides to prove that they're an arsehole. It's one of the reasons I talk less about mine because I've got so much shit for it. Talking can help but until society gets better at not being arseholes about mental health, many of us risk abuse and worse for being open.