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The Secrets Meme (READ THIS IF YOU ACTUALY WANT TO KNOW ME)
13 years ago
General
It took almost two hours to do this. PArt of that was because I spent about 20 minutes crying, and some of it was down to having to distract myself. The rest was just down to having to think all this through.
I'm not sure anyone even cares to read this, and personally I don't care. It was a cleansing exercise to do this
Who is the last person that hurt your feelings?
My ex. After that I haven’t really felt any pain.
Would you consider plastic surgery?
Yes, if it wasn’t a matter of expense
What is bothering you at this moment?
I can’t seem to stop hurting people. Am I meant to be alone? Am I mad? Worse yet, do I even know who I am?
Ever started a rumour about someone?
Not as far as I know, or at least not intentionally
Whats the craziest reason why you broke up with someone?
Is not feeling strong enough crazy?
Have you ever been accused of cheating on a partner?
Yes
Ever lied about your age?
Yes, when I was aged from 16 up to 18, mostly to get onto Second Life.
Last time you masturbated?
About three or four hours ago
Ever felt the need to change yourself for someone?
If myself counts as someone, then its constant. If you keep changing yourself to match someone’s expectations, you will eventually lose yourself
When is the last time you prayed?
Prayer? What power does prayer have, other than to make one feel less at fault for his own sins?
Do you watch porn?
Yes
Have any of your ex's turned gay?
No, they were gay or bi to start with
What do you wish you did for a living?
I wish I could heal. Others, and myself. But I’m not a good healer.
What is worse, a cheater or a liar?
A liar. One who cheats has not lied to himself, only to you. One who lies, lies not only to you, but to himself. And that is the route to madness
Do you still have stuffed animals?
Just one, at the moment. She needs a little sewing though
Do you dance around in your underwear?
I do not dance. Ever. I am too awkward for dancing, and my joys too fleeting to dance about
Do you own a dildo or vibrator?
Up until very recently I did, but now I don’t
Are you a picky person?
I don’t know. I follow what my senses tell me, and what I learn. If it doesn’t feel right, Im not going to do it.
What do you find yourself doing while laying in bed?
always thinking. I never stop thinking. Sometimes I wish I did, or that music or something would drown it out. I think up to the point of sleep, and start again on waking. In bed I often read, or masturbate, listen to music
Ever been skinny dipping?
No. Im far too shy
How many times have you checked up on your ex?
The break-up was pretty messy, so I haven’t. He doesn’t want to hear from me, anyway. Probably best he didn’t talk to me.
Do you consider yourself trust worthy?
I do, but others don’t believe it. I keep my secrets, and many others. If you share your secret with me, I will keep it secret. I may discuss it with someone I trust, but I will never mention your name
Ever used a fake ID or one that wasn't you?
nope. Never needed one
How old was your oldest sexual partner?
33
Have you ever faked an orgasm?
Guys can’t fake orgasms ;) Plus, I don’t know how to
If your last ex apologized would you get back with them?
My ex can’t apologise. I can’t apologise. No amount of apologising will repair the broken ties. If we are meant to be friends again, it will happen
What family member are you closest to?
My mother, absolutely
What does death teach us about life?
Our mortality is precious, and this world is all we have. Everything eventually fades, and ends, and decays. From that decay arises the new. The cycle does not end
If nothing was holding you back, where would you live and why?
I would live in the Smoky Mountains somewhere, away from people, and relax in the comforts of nature. Or Japan, somewhere quiet but close to everything I would need
When was the last time you cried?
Now, as Im writing this
What is the earliest memory you have of a sibling?
I don’t have any siblings.
What is the earliest photograph of yourself that you have that you remember when it was taken?
A photo from Christmas, I think I was 3 or 4. It’s more what I was wearing that I remember; that yellow shirt always seemed to be so comfortable...
How did you meet your first boyfriend or girlfriend?
Internet. Through Bebo, no less.
Describe your typical day, from wake to sleep.
Wake up ridiculously early, make coffee or Coke to drink, spend a few hours checking messages and making sure I’m all caught up with schoolwork. Go to university on the days I have it. Chat to people if I feel like it. Spend a lot of time pondering things I probably shouldn’t. Go out and do something if I can. Eat something at lunch and dinner. Go to bed pretty late. Occasionally insert art, writing, gaming and other things in between
What would be your ideal birthday present, and why?
Some really nice clothes that perfectly match my eclectic style, or a book that I’ve really been looking forward to.
Think of a loved one that you have lost. If you could ask this person one question, what would you ask, and what do you think they would say?
Why did you let me, and only me, know that you were going to die that day?
What is the best advice you ever received?
To listen to your heart, not your head
If you were to die today what would you like people to say about you?
That my life was worth living, that they and others would miss me... *sigh* I’d like at least one person there to say they genuinely loved me, but right now that’s probably not possible.
If you could be anybody, who would you be?
I don’t know if I would be anyone else... Yes, my life is hard at times, but I think I’d be dead if I was anyone else.
What is the most important aspect of your life and why?
My imagination. Without it I wouldn’t have the friends I do, and I would have lost what little sanity is left long ago
Where would you travel, if you could go anywhere?
Japan, Russia, and New Orleans
What time period you would like to be born in?
I’m not sure. I feel like I was born too late, and yet too early at the same time. I could happily live in feudal Japan, or the Roaring Twenties, or Victorian England... you name a period, I could probably live in it
If your best friend came to you depressed and upset like you've never seen before, how would you react?
I will do absolutely everything to cheer them up, but at the same time I’m not going to lie to them. Lying and saying things that aren’t always true will only hurt them in the long run.
Would you be a different person today if you had a different childhood?
I’m not sure. I’d probably still be me, mostly
If you could build a car customized just for you, what would it contain?
It’d be a cutom black PT Cruiser, with violet plush/velvet upholstery
When have you realized you were really wrong in your judgment about someone?
I tend to be right, actually. Although it often takes much longer than I had expected for those predictions to come true. I usually realise it pretty soon if I’m not right, though, and I always make it a point to apologise
How do you react when you realize you've made a mistake?
I feel pretty useless. I make a lot of mistakes because I often don’t know what to do, and so usually I just try to keep my head down after making a mistake and do something to make up for my error.
If you had to sacrifice one of your senses (taste, touch, smell, sight, hearing), which would you choose and why?
I think I might be able to live without a sense of touch, because all my other senses are very precious to me.
Who has more power the government, or the people?
No one has power. The people do not listen to the government, and the government does not listen to its people. Without communication, there is no power. There is only tyranny.
Did you recently have an interesting conversation?
Absolutely ^^
Who is the person that you feel has altered the course of your morals and values, and how did they effect you?
My mother affected my morals the most out of my family. Outside of my family... probably my friends on MSN. Fated, Richard, even Drait. If you’re reading this, thank you
What is my earliest or happiest memory?
One of my earliest memories is actually falling down the stairs in the garage we used to have, trying to get to my mum. Happiest memory.... I’m not sure, really. Probably lying in the grass in Ireland, looking up at the sunny sky and feeling the breeze across my face
When were you the happiest this year?
Walking around Birmingham with Chloe and Fated
Which friend has had the greatest impact on your life and why?
I’m not sure if he’s a friend anymore, but my ex Drait had a really big impact on me. He made me realise I was worth something, opened me up to so many new experiences. I regret breaking up with him a lot. I’m sorry I couldn’t be strong enough for you
Describe your dream house, room by room.
(This may take a while, so if you want to skip it feel free to)
Right. Two stories, probably two/three bedrooms, two bath. A really nice, specious kitchen. A cherry, magnolia and willow-lined pathway up to the door. A nice yard. Situated outside of the nearest town. My bedroom would be painted a rich violet, and all the furniture would be black, possibly leather. Four-poster bed. A nice, comfortable couch in the living room. Nice, big bathtub and shower
If you could learn any new language, which one would you choose and why?
Japanese and/or Latin, and technically I know some of both. Just a matter of actually focusing lol. As for why, have you ever said anything in either of those languages? EVERYTHING YOU SAY SOUNDS AMAZING! :D
What are a few qualities you dislike in other people, and why?
Ignorance, Immaturity, Disrespect...
What music makes you want to get up and dance?
Nothing. If I find music that makes me want to dance, I usually just do katas or practice weapon forms to it.
How would you spend your time if you were wealthy?
First things first, I’d treat both my parents (together or not) to a holiday, make sure everything was paid off. Then I’d buy at least one thing for each of my best friends. After that, I’d honestly just live my life as it is, but feel free to spend money.
What is one of your most personal hopes and dreams?
I want someone who can learn my secrets and not be afraid.
How do others see you?
Honestly, they probably don’t see me. If they do see me, its probably as a quiet, strange outsider. Those who’ve gotten close to me know that’s not what I am, but it’s what people see most in me. I wish it wasn’t
Complete this sentence: Love is…
*Sigh* Love is not eternal. Love changes, and the lovers change with it. But love will always be there
What are you most grateful for?
Life
What is the best decision you have ever made in your life?
To try and enjoy my life each and every day
Will You Impress A Person By Fighting Someone to get them to Like You?
No. The first rule of fighting is only to use it to defend something, not agression
Have You Ever Wanted To Be The Best Person In The World?
God no. I couldn’t stand the attention.
Have You Wanted to Steal the Show At School?
Same answer as above
Are You Happy?
No. No I am not happy. I’m not happy with myself, or with my situation, or with the world in general. But all I can do is wait, and do my best to improve what I can.
I'm not sure anyone even cares to read this, and personally I don't care. It was a cleansing exercise to do this
Who is the last person that hurt your feelings?
My ex. After that I haven’t really felt any pain.
Would you consider plastic surgery?
Yes, if it wasn’t a matter of expense
What is bothering you at this moment?
I can’t seem to stop hurting people. Am I meant to be alone? Am I mad? Worse yet, do I even know who I am?
Ever started a rumour about someone?
Not as far as I know, or at least not intentionally
Whats the craziest reason why you broke up with someone?
Is not feeling strong enough crazy?
Have you ever been accused of cheating on a partner?
Yes
Ever lied about your age?
Yes, when I was aged from 16 up to 18, mostly to get onto Second Life.
Last time you masturbated?
About three or four hours ago
Ever felt the need to change yourself for someone?
If myself counts as someone, then its constant. If you keep changing yourself to match someone’s expectations, you will eventually lose yourself
When is the last time you prayed?
Prayer? What power does prayer have, other than to make one feel less at fault for his own sins?
Do you watch porn?
Yes
Have any of your ex's turned gay?
No, they were gay or bi to start with
What do you wish you did for a living?
I wish I could heal. Others, and myself. But I’m not a good healer.
What is worse, a cheater or a liar?
A liar. One who cheats has not lied to himself, only to you. One who lies, lies not only to you, but to himself. And that is the route to madness
Do you still have stuffed animals?
Just one, at the moment. She needs a little sewing though
Do you dance around in your underwear?
I do not dance. Ever. I am too awkward for dancing, and my joys too fleeting to dance about
Do you own a dildo or vibrator?
Up until very recently I did, but now I don’t
Are you a picky person?
I don’t know. I follow what my senses tell me, and what I learn. If it doesn’t feel right, Im not going to do it.
What do you find yourself doing while laying in bed?
always thinking. I never stop thinking. Sometimes I wish I did, or that music or something would drown it out. I think up to the point of sleep, and start again on waking. In bed I often read, or masturbate, listen to music
Ever been skinny dipping?
No. Im far too shy
How many times have you checked up on your ex?
The break-up was pretty messy, so I haven’t. He doesn’t want to hear from me, anyway. Probably best he didn’t talk to me.
Do you consider yourself trust worthy?
I do, but others don’t believe it. I keep my secrets, and many others. If you share your secret with me, I will keep it secret. I may discuss it with someone I trust, but I will never mention your name
Ever used a fake ID or one that wasn't you?
nope. Never needed one
How old was your oldest sexual partner?
33
Have you ever faked an orgasm?
Guys can’t fake orgasms ;) Plus, I don’t know how to
If your last ex apologized would you get back with them?
My ex can’t apologise. I can’t apologise. No amount of apologising will repair the broken ties. If we are meant to be friends again, it will happen
What family member are you closest to?
My mother, absolutely
What does death teach us about life?
Our mortality is precious, and this world is all we have. Everything eventually fades, and ends, and decays. From that decay arises the new. The cycle does not end
If nothing was holding you back, where would you live and why?
I would live in the Smoky Mountains somewhere, away from people, and relax in the comforts of nature. Or Japan, somewhere quiet but close to everything I would need
When was the last time you cried?
Now, as Im writing this
What is the earliest memory you have of a sibling?
I don’t have any siblings.
What is the earliest photograph of yourself that you have that you remember when it was taken?
A photo from Christmas, I think I was 3 or 4. It’s more what I was wearing that I remember; that yellow shirt always seemed to be so comfortable...
How did you meet your first boyfriend or girlfriend?
Internet. Through Bebo, no less.
Describe your typical day, from wake to sleep.
Wake up ridiculously early, make coffee or Coke to drink, spend a few hours checking messages and making sure I’m all caught up with schoolwork. Go to university on the days I have it. Chat to people if I feel like it. Spend a lot of time pondering things I probably shouldn’t. Go out and do something if I can. Eat something at lunch and dinner. Go to bed pretty late. Occasionally insert art, writing, gaming and other things in between
What would be your ideal birthday present, and why?
Some really nice clothes that perfectly match my eclectic style, or a book that I’ve really been looking forward to.
Think of a loved one that you have lost. If you could ask this person one question, what would you ask, and what do you think they would say?
Why did you let me, and only me, know that you were going to die that day?
What is the best advice you ever received?
To listen to your heart, not your head
If you were to die today what would you like people to say about you?
That my life was worth living, that they and others would miss me... *sigh* I’d like at least one person there to say they genuinely loved me, but right now that’s probably not possible.
If you could be anybody, who would you be?
I don’t know if I would be anyone else... Yes, my life is hard at times, but I think I’d be dead if I was anyone else.
What is the most important aspect of your life and why?
My imagination. Without it I wouldn’t have the friends I do, and I would have lost what little sanity is left long ago
Where would you travel, if you could go anywhere?
Japan, Russia, and New Orleans
What time period you would like to be born in?
I’m not sure. I feel like I was born too late, and yet too early at the same time. I could happily live in feudal Japan, or the Roaring Twenties, or Victorian England... you name a period, I could probably live in it
If your best friend came to you depressed and upset like you've never seen before, how would you react?
I will do absolutely everything to cheer them up, but at the same time I’m not going to lie to them. Lying and saying things that aren’t always true will only hurt them in the long run.
Would you be a different person today if you had a different childhood?
I’m not sure. I’d probably still be me, mostly
If you could build a car customized just for you, what would it contain?
It’d be a cutom black PT Cruiser, with violet plush/velvet upholstery
When have you realized you were really wrong in your judgment about someone?
I tend to be right, actually. Although it often takes much longer than I had expected for those predictions to come true. I usually realise it pretty soon if I’m not right, though, and I always make it a point to apologise
How do you react when you realize you've made a mistake?
I feel pretty useless. I make a lot of mistakes because I often don’t know what to do, and so usually I just try to keep my head down after making a mistake and do something to make up for my error.
If you had to sacrifice one of your senses (taste, touch, smell, sight, hearing), which would you choose and why?
I think I might be able to live without a sense of touch, because all my other senses are very precious to me.
Who has more power the government, or the people?
No one has power. The people do not listen to the government, and the government does not listen to its people. Without communication, there is no power. There is only tyranny.
Did you recently have an interesting conversation?
Absolutely ^^
Who is the person that you feel has altered the course of your morals and values, and how did they effect you?
My mother affected my morals the most out of my family. Outside of my family... probably my friends on MSN. Fated, Richard, even Drait. If you’re reading this, thank you
What is my earliest or happiest memory?
One of my earliest memories is actually falling down the stairs in the garage we used to have, trying to get to my mum. Happiest memory.... I’m not sure, really. Probably lying in the grass in Ireland, looking up at the sunny sky and feeling the breeze across my face
When were you the happiest this year?
Walking around Birmingham with Chloe and Fated
Which friend has had the greatest impact on your life and why?
I’m not sure if he’s a friend anymore, but my ex Drait had a really big impact on me. He made me realise I was worth something, opened me up to so many new experiences. I regret breaking up with him a lot. I’m sorry I couldn’t be strong enough for you
Describe your dream house, room by room.
(This may take a while, so if you want to skip it feel free to)
Right. Two stories, probably two/three bedrooms, two bath. A really nice, specious kitchen. A cherry, magnolia and willow-lined pathway up to the door. A nice yard. Situated outside of the nearest town. My bedroom would be painted a rich violet, and all the furniture would be black, possibly leather. Four-poster bed. A nice, comfortable couch in the living room. Nice, big bathtub and shower
If you could learn any new language, which one would you choose and why?
Japanese and/or Latin, and technically I know some of both. Just a matter of actually focusing lol. As for why, have you ever said anything in either of those languages? EVERYTHING YOU SAY SOUNDS AMAZING! :D
What are a few qualities you dislike in other people, and why?
Ignorance, Immaturity, Disrespect...
What music makes you want to get up and dance?
Nothing. If I find music that makes me want to dance, I usually just do katas or practice weapon forms to it.
How would you spend your time if you were wealthy?
First things first, I’d treat both my parents (together or not) to a holiday, make sure everything was paid off. Then I’d buy at least one thing for each of my best friends. After that, I’d honestly just live my life as it is, but feel free to spend money.
What is one of your most personal hopes and dreams?
I want someone who can learn my secrets and not be afraid.
How do others see you?
Honestly, they probably don’t see me. If they do see me, its probably as a quiet, strange outsider. Those who’ve gotten close to me know that’s not what I am, but it’s what people see most in me. I wish it wasn’t
Complete this sentence: Love is…
*Sigh* Love is not eternal. Love changes, and the lovers change with it. But love will always be there
What are you most grateful for?
Life
What is the best decision you have ever made in your life?
To try and enjoy my life each and every day
Will You Impress A Person By Fighting Someone to get them to Like You?
No. The first rule of fighting is only to use it to defend something, not agression
Have You Ever Wanted To Be The Best Person In The World?
God no. I couldn’t stand the attention.
Have You Wanted to Steal the Show At School?
Same answer as above
Are You Happy?
No. No I am not happy. I’m not happy with myself, or with my situation, or with the world in general. But all I can do is wait, and do my best to improve what I can.
Wolfix-1x
~wolfix-1x
I'm still here... watching over you from a far. Though the past has left wounds that are still healing, and though almost all ties have been broken. There is still one that remains. I still care and feel for you. Stay safe sweet Volpe.
Animalfellow
~animalfellow
The memory stays, Ryan. Although you might not forgive me, I will not blame you. I loved you once, and you know it. I kinda wish you were mad at me and punched me if you could... I would gladly receive it, and feel like it is what I deserve after everything that happened both in and out of our friendship... however short it might have been.
